On Love

To my Dear and Loving Husband

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee;
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye woman, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold,
Or all the riches that the east doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor aught but love from thee, give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay,
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so perservere
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

Ann Bradstreet

----

In an attempt to de-clutter the garage as of late, I have been thumbing through notebooks of correspondence between Aaron and me before we got married. There are literal reams. I keep thinking that one day all of these letters and notes will be a treasure to future generations in testimony of a great love story. But to me, reading it leaves me with a wealth of conflicting emotions.

One is almost akin to embarassment--like reading entries from your junior high diary, where you felt much but understood little. Another is a surge of nostalgia for the heady days of love unrequited, few serious responsibilities, and, let's be honest, the bloom of physical youth. (Did I mention there are several pictures accompanying these letters--I was a babe!) Not that I'm not still "youthful" as far as age goes, but the bloom does seem slightly tarnished. (And being seven months pregnant probably adds to my woebegone feeling.)

In reading over it all, you can practically feel the drama. Each page literally drips with tension, kindness, hopefulness, anticipation, admiration, and humor. It leaves me wondering if the very ardent expressions of affection belied in these notes really capture the essence of genuine love, and, if so, do I still feel it to the same degree. (Or am I exploring the inevitable surge of irrational emotions that accompany the last trimester of pregnancy a tad too much...)

When I think about it...I almost think that, though it's not captured on paper for posterity, there is more genuine love in our relationship now--captured in small moments like the satisfaction of working together on the yard on Saturday and falling asleep, exhausted, but holding hands.