A Meandering, Yet Heartfelt Open Letter of Love (Read: Not Love Letter) To Ben, My Brother-in-Law

There is something so absolutely remarkable about the inner workings of a family. This hit me yesterday, as I sat with my 12-year-old niece enjoying parody via YouTube. We laughed out loud for a good solid five minutes and then I razzed her about her latest orchestra-class crush. And I thought to myself "I'm so glad to see you! I'm so glad to be with you!" 

Only in families do you cheerfully and eagerly delight in the budding teenagers around you, the idiosycracies of your Mother, and the consistently bossy and slightly innapropriate social skills of your sister-in-law (Ok, fine, that one was me...We are all working on something, right?). 

This singular phenomenon is no more striking to me than when it comes to my brothers and my brothers-in-law. I LOVE them. Nowhere under heaven does a woman have quite the same relationship with a man as she does with her brothers--a situation where there is complete freedom to be yourself, and not worry so much about complicated man/woman communication skills, flirting, etc. You are absolutely free to love all the great and interesting and funny things about them and let their wives worry about the rest.
---

I've been thinking more about brothers lately because this year for Christmas my mother assigned each of us to write a letter of appreciation and admiration for another sibling. I was assigned to Ben Crowder--the brilliant man who married my little sister just over one year ago--an easy task.

Ben is brilliant. He is endlessly informed and hillariously idiosyncratic, not to mention completely easy to be around. If nothing else, I should just love him for the fact that he consistently submits to the endless harassing from my children to play. (And they crawl all over the poor man.)

But he is much more than that to me.

Ben is a seeker of knowledge. And in this he has completely captured my sisterly heart. I LOVE this about him, because it challenges and opens my own mind. He is interested in things and, therefore is interesting himself. I follow him on twitter and, throughout the course of one day his tweets can run from current events and favorite fonts to his latest drawing and online software rumors.  (My twitter thoughts, on the other hand, generally surround laundry and toddlers.) When I talk to him in person, he often pulls out his phone and researches what we are talking about, then adds more to the conversation (I know that sounds really sort-of freaky, but if you think about it, it is actually really cool.) He doesn't talk to people just to be nice but, instead, learns from everyone and everything.
 
He doesn't really care a whole lot about sports.
He is very kind to my little sister.
He loves cilantro.
He makes crazy pictures on photo booth.
He plays the piano.
He loves good literature.
He can't truly see anything without glasses.
But with all of these, he is still very much a man.

And my life is much fuller because he is my brother.

Santa "Craftsman" Claus

For the past three months H has been compiling his Christmas list. I laughed out loud when I re-read the final draft last night.

The List
File
Small metal shovel
Small plastic and wooden rake (?)
Small metal post digger
Small metal wheelbarrow
Chisel
Monkey wrench
Small "C" clamp
Small metal and wooden hammer
Gorilla glue
Wood glue
Measuring tape
Breaker bar
Level
Real triangle screwdriver (?)
Circular file
Needle-nose pliers
Tool box with a lock
Small crescent wrench
Mallet
Safety goggles
Scraper tool (putty knife)
Micrometer
Ruler
Punch
Striking wrench

Clearly Aaron's buttons were bursting. Who is this kid, anyway?

Thursday's Deep Thought

Artichokes could, possibly, be the least user friendly vegetable. Who first looked at the blossom of the thistle plant and thought "what the heck, I'll hack off most of the outside of this and eat whatever is inside..."?

They are inordinately pretty, though. I would, almost rather have them whole as a centerpiece than go to the work of actually preparing them. But maybe that is just being lazy...

Back By Popular Demand

Highs

• Winning a local Chili Cook-off with Sous Chef H (Hurrah!)
• Watching General Conference and the RS Session
• Maintaining exercise 5x a week at 5:15 a.m.
• Developing a "almost there" gourmet cupcake recipe incorporating 5 or 6 baking discoveries (haven't yet mastered the frosting, but it is super close)
• Visiting Teaching = done!
• Spending the weekend with [prego] Auntie Mer and [not prego] Uncle Ben!
• Finding out some Really Good News!
• Enjoying the, finally, cool weather. Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!
• Not desiring dessert or second helpings
• Basking in the autonomy of the boys ages
• Bowling a dang good game
• Wrestling with the boys in the front room
• Coming to the surprising realization that I'd really like the next baby in the family to be a boy
• Planning the details of hosting Thanksgiving
• Reading The Hunger Games
• Finding chicken breast on sale for $1.25 per pound
• Bottling 15 pints of chicken (Thanks, Ashley!!!)
• Getting invited to dinner
• Loving the structure that having a child in school brings
• Napping next to my babies
• Making new friends
• Riding bikes to school and not sweating profusely
• Enjoying the simple luxury of living in a small town (paid the local doctor in cinnamon rolls after he pulled a rock out of A's nose...it's another story for another time)
• Spending most of the grocery budget in the first week...again (p.s. We need a cow, preferably lactating)
• Finishing the laundry all in one day, including putting it all away! (this is big, folks)

Lows

• Watching General Conference in HD = the uncomfortable feeling of being personally perched on the podium (I noticed bad teeth, red and tired eyes, moist nostrils, interesting skin discolorations, the works...)
• Feeling very, very tired
• Gaining weight despite the awesome exercise routine
• Eating pounds and pounds of candy corn, mellowcreme pumpkins and "cowboy mix" (shoot me)
• Eating dessert and second helpings despite having no real desire to do so (this may correlate to that pesky weight gain thing...)
• Putting away the skinnier "goal jeans" for awhile
• Just feeling very chunky lately (...are we sensing a theme here...cupcakes, feeling fat...)
• Forgetting to send H's homework with him when it was due
• Making some interestingly creative end-of-the-month sack lunches for H and, suddenly realizing that, despite all, I have turned into my mother
• Telling an entire roomful of peers that I never clean my kitchen floors (it is true, but still)
• Reading most of Genesis with Aaron and feeling very much annoyed (Is the entire Old Testament solely about procreation? And incest? Hmmmmm.)
• Making a cookie recipe from a local bakery using shortening (shudder), and throwing most of them away
• Wasting precious calories by eating some of the aforementioned disgusting cookies
• Trying to run an organization with dwindling participants and tiring of the grind
• Going to the RS Session's Stake before-the-broadcast social = older ladies, older lady food, older lady conversation, older lady smells, etc

And Now For an Update

Don Juan de H

H started kindergarten with gusto and I, classically, neglected to bring the camera. Oh well.

The Report
He's doing well, of course. He's older in his grade, plus he's brilliant to boot. (Oh, Moms are so jaded!) No, really, it has been fun to see him excel in a structured environment. And none too soon. I was about ready to sell him to the gypsies, come August.  What, with all of the deconstruction around this home during the summer--BBQ, bicycles, toy cars, vacuum cleaners--not to mention his curious habit of dumpster diving and then creating various "inventions" with, say, toothpaste tubes.

But let's get down to what really matters...
Though it has only been a precious few weeks, he seems to have already found a love interest--Alexis. And what a babe she is! (You know, that kid has an eye...) She has now replaced the "Lily" of pre-school fame. Her name (Alexis, not Lily) is suddenly doodled all over various papers and posters, "maps" and "books." It is all I can do not to barrage him with questions...

Anyway, the other day, I happened to be chatting with Alexis' mother and she mentioned that Alexis is "in love" with Ian, some boy who pledged his devotion on the very first day of class. Oh! How my heart sank for H!

H, however, seemed unfazed. When I quizzed him about Ian, later in the day, he simply quipped "He likes Alexis too.."

Well, well. That's my boy. Game on.

---

By the way, I feel so, so official. A Real Mother! I have thoroughly enjoyed packing lunches, dreaming up amazing after-school snacks, supervising homework, and enforcing bedtime because "it's a school night." I know that this euphoria will wear off soon.  But for now, while the pressure is low, life is very, very good.

Grumpy Sweaty Done

I am pretty much done with it being 110 degrees outside.

It is getting mighty old, let me tell you.

Bring on the crisp, romantic fall!

Bring on the football, the General Conference, the sweaters and jeans.

Let's just skip September altogether. Who's in?

P.S.

Aaron, without you I am lost and grumpy. Please come back and get me...

Can't Sleep

I am a Woman.

I am powerful because I am. Nobody has to tell me this. I just am. Nobody has to "empower" me. I just am empowered. Nobody has to take me away so I will know this. I just am grand, because being a woman is grand.

It infuriates me when women act like this is a new concept. Or one you have to repeat to yourself or "teach" to each other.

---

I care for Men. (Little men, mostly)

They have immense worth. And they can be powerful in this world.

---

Powerful women are women who know who they are.

And powerful women make powerful men.

---

Sometimes I feel like I am their only champions.

I Am LOVING These Mormon Messages Lately

Forgiveness

Lately, I am trying to keep computer time down and trying to play with the boys more. But have you seen all of these fantastic Mormon Messages? I sit and bawl through them all. Love them and had to post the inspiration. This is why we do what we do. The Gospel is true.

Daily Tweets

• 08:39 There has just GOT to be something interesting we can do today... #

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Daily Tweets

• 17:33 Making dinner for the missionaries. Nothing exciting, unfortunately. #
• 22:36 Finally settling down after a surprise birthday party with wonderful family and friends. Mad props to Aaron for pulling it off. #

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Daily Tweets

• 18:54 Yesterdays batch of pesto made some rocking pizza tonight. Too bad I cook for preschoolers. #
• 18:55 You know, one day, I won't have to coax them into finishing their pizza slice. Right? #
• 18:57 ...and by extension, I won't end up eating the rest of their pizza slices...and then finishing off those cookies to drown the guilt. #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:20 Morning without exercise #10. Somewhere inside of me there is a skinny gal screaming because the fat girl is sitting on her and eating pie. #

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Daily Tweets

• 06:48 It turns out that someone actually offers summer tours chasing tornadoes. Family Reunion 2011, anyone? #
• 21:23 Writing a skit for girls camp. In the zone. #

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Daily Tweets

• 08:24 I love Independence Day weekend! The excitement, the parades, the fireworks... #
• 13:48 Bought anchovies. #

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Whoa. Someone Needs a Siesta.

Part of my journal entry for tonight:

I was pretty feisty, tonight after practice, on the playground. Some annoying little kid kept trying to push E off the equipment. I didn't even make a nice voice, like any good mother would, when I said "Hey, hey kid, don't push him! Don't push him! Where is your mom?..."

Then later, when some lady next to me kept shooing E away from climbing up the slide, I finally trotted him away saying out loud "Come on E, she's freaking out..."

I heard her say from afar "I'm not freaking out"

It was not my best moment, and I felt instantly sorry and embarrassed...

Clearly I had a bowl of fiesties this morning. I'd like to blame it on hormones and call it good, but I know that that is really no excuse.

Sorry innocent mother-at-the-park. I was rude.
---

Oh how I want, so much, to be a better woman than I am!

Daily Tweets

• 08:02 Last day of the month...almost out of gas...no chocolate in the house. Hmmm. What will this day bring? #

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Dear Aaron, My Birthday IS Coming Up...

Just think of how much frosting we could make at a time! 

Think of how many cheesecakes we could make at one time! 

The boys would love it...no more boring hot summer days for us. 

No sir! 

The possibilities are endless!!!

In Response...#2

What was the YW cinnamon project?

For our Girl's Camp fundraiser this year we decided to sell pretty little boxes of large homemade cinnamon rolls that we delivered on Mother's day morning. We figured that the men in the ward would jump at the opportunity to have "Mother's day taken care of..." But, surprisingly, it was the women in the community that bought the most--either for themselves, or others.


It started out as a pretty good idea. I took a basic pizza dough recipe, tweaked it by using a lower protein flour (for less chewey-ness), more sugar (for tenderness, sweetness, and good initial rising), and instant yeast (for obvious reasons).  The dough came together quickly, and we made ten pans of them right away at a mutual night activity and then froze the uncooked rolls until we could bake them on the morning of. The rest of the rolls were assembled by the YW leaders (an additional 60 pans) at their homes a day prior to the event. 


I spent my Saturday-before assembling and baking, drawing out maps, and *whipping up huge vats of buttery cream-cheese frosting--truly a dream come true! Other leaders assembled and baked, decorated boxes with ribbon and flowers, and put together personalized tags for the tops. It was kind of a stressful day for everyone. 


Not everything went as planned. I had to lower my food standards and make some compromises in order to save us from camping out at the church's kitchen all day. And some of the girls that promised to come bailed at the last minute. Finally, in the end, I think, the consensus amongst the leaders was that we would choose a less intense fundraiser next year--though I have already had customers allude to next year's event.


The fundraiser went extremely well in terms of sales. We sold about 105 boxes, made over $1000.00, and got loads of notes and phone calls about them afterwards. 


So, of course, I have dreamt of doing it again ever since.


Aaron thinks I am loco.


*Precisely the moment I decided that I must own a Hobart mixer in the near future. "It's a necessity" I told Aaron. He just smiled.

Daily Tweets

• 13:10 Today seems sort of blue--even though it is blazing hot outside. #
• 20:38 Swimming for FHE. Love. It. #

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In Response...#1

I have been meaning to answer some questions posed in the comment section of this blog. Here is the most recent question and answer.

---

What is Mother's Circle group?

It is an official "learning circle" group based off of the Power of Moms website. In a nutshell, it is a structured girls-night-out/book club/support group/motherhood course. We have set topics for each month and accompanying articles to read and questions to ponder, then we get together once a month and talk about it.  

Initially I thought that participating in this group would be fun and interesting, but it has proved to be nothing short of life-changing. I have gathered so much strength and resolve from the women that I associate with. We are all very different, with different challenges and opinions, but spending an evening in each other's company always leaves me with a greater desire to serve my family better. 

Often, in times past, I have left a "girls night out" with negative feelings--for myself, for life, for my choice to be a mother, etc.  However, I always leave these meetings feeling motivated and validated and full of love for all other good women out there. As is not surprising, I share way too much information (and vow every month to be more quiet...) but everyone is gracious and good natured and we enjoy a camaraderie that is tangible.  In the end, we have shared ideas, struggles and strength and we, often, talk about the Gospel of Jesus Christ which is the ultimate motivator for good. I have learned that "As mothers, we are not all in the same boat, but we are in the same ocean..." 


[Wow. Doesn't that sound like a informercial? Sorry.]

If you are interested in doing a group, check out their website.

Daily Tweets

• 09:38 Turned off the exercise video. Just not feeling it today. #

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Daily Tweets

• 11:39 You know, this mom-to-five-kids thing is not bad. We just need a little more real estate... #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:49 Could really use a child-friendly fountain machine with milk on tap. Oh, and a vending machine with fish crackers and cheesesticks. #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:09 Jammin with the Hawley bunch this morning. #

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Daily Tweets

• 16:12 Came home from youth conference to a clean house, blistering heat, happy and spoiled children (thanks Auntie!), and pink roses. #
• 16:12 Now, back to business. #

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Daily Tweets

• 21:57 Spent the evening romping with the whole fam in a large blow up pool. Good thing the water comes out warm from the hose. Ahhhh, summer. #

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Daily Tweets

• 08:04 Crazy Monday no-showered morning with 3 kids, and Michael Buble takes me right back to my wedding day. #

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Daily Tweets

• 23:34 Went to the Mother's Circle group tonight and I feel SO inspired. Tomorrow I am going to just play and have fun with my children. #

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Wholesome and Recreational

I always feel super awkward reading reports of people's vacations. "And then we did this [insert picture] and little Tommy loved this [insert picture]." So, instead, to make everyone squirm (except for my siblings, who are used to these kind of shenanigans) I am posting my favorite picture of the entire trip. Pretty much sums it all up.

We had loads of fun on the vacation.

We're just wondering, now, what to do with the rest of the summer...

Daily Tweets

• 18:39 Love these warm summer nights when the boys play outside after dinner. It makes me feel nostalgic for "kick the can." #

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Daily Tweets

• 10:36 Making bright pink divinity today!!! #

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Daily Tweets

• 20:18 Home!!! #
• 20:18 Don't want to eat again. Ever. #

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Daily Tweets

• 15:14 My children are running through the house screaming "Uncle Ben is coming RIGHT NOW!" Sorry Auntie Mer...chopped spam. #
• 15:14 Just put down the peanut butter M&M's and walk away... #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:27 Last day of school and the excitement in palpable. Summer here we come! #

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Daily Tweets

• 19:38 Standing outside smiling as a neighbor walks her dog by and then, from behind me, E turns the hose on them. #
• 19:39 After her string of profanities, and my apologies, we hurried into the house. #
• 19:42 E is determined, apparently, to spend his 3rd year of life in "time-out." #

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Daily Tweets

• 10:23 Popcorn chicken and sugar cookies for breakfast boys! Mom has lost her mind. #
• 13:07 Wasn't prepared for the flood of emotions at H's pre-school graduation. (And, classically, I am the only Mom without a camera...) #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:03 Yuck. Threw up this morning. Hope it's just a 24-hour thing. #
• 18:17 Not prego. Stop the rumors. I wish, though. #
• 18:18 A great friend brought over lunch and then dinner for my family. Yum. I wish that I wanted to eat. #

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Before I Die

I'd like to:

• Be published in a food journal or magazine
• Publish a book
• Spend a summer chasing tornadoes with the boys
• Open a restaurant/bakery/catering business
• Give birth to a baby girl*
• Take the children out of school for a year and take a cruise around the world
• Teach in a classroom of some sort
• Perform as the lead in some community musical theater
• Live in a foreign land
• Publish poetry
• Have 12 kids and a reason to buy #10 cans of peaches from Costco
• Have a really interesting house with either colorful eclectic furnishings or clean and crisp white hues
• Serve a mission
• Study at the Cordon Bleu
• Have fresh flowers constantly on my tables
• Be the proud owner of a walk-in-freezer and a Hobart mixer (and maybe a proofer, but that's just getting greedy)
• Have tight abs
• Play my viola in a symphony orchestra
• Sleep in

---

(to be continued)

*Let's be honest, this may just be a passing fantasy and I'm more likely to get that walk-in-freezer than a baby girl. But everyone has got to have an impossible dream, right?

Daily Tweets

• 11:12 E has taken to ending every phrase today with "babe" as in "here you go, babe" "what is for breakfast, babe?" #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:56 I think that my parenting skills are getting steadily worse. #
• 19:43 Found my cell phone amongst the bubbles in the boys' bath. (Sigh.) #

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Daily Tweets

• 15:59 My one-year-old just walked by, tapped me a couple of times on the derrière and said, smiling, "Spanky, spanky!" #
• 16:00 ...Oh and H just told me he held a girls hand out to recess today. "Because she likes me..." he said. #
• 16:22 Dear E, repeatedly pinching me and hitting me does not make me want to hold you. It makes me mad. #

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Daily Tweets

• 15:50 Enjoyed our Waterfield weekend. Enjoyed the Shrek twinkies a bit too much. #
• 15:51 Playing go fish with the mormon game cards. "Do you have a curelom." "No, but I have three Liahonas" #
• 19:56 Boys in bed. Party time. #

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Daily Tweets

• 18:27 Bought my swimming ensemble for San Diego today! Can't wait! #
• 21:44 We need a camera. Which one should we buy? #

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Dearest Family - THIS is What I Was Doing

Last Wednesday I catered an event--a little dessert buffet at a Stake YW night. It was a first, really, and it wasn't much to anyone else, I am sure, but for me it was enormously satisfying.  I couldn't believe that Jamie would actually let me do the whole thing without any sort of credentials beyond a passionate (and often delusional) desire to play chef. 

But, nevertheless, I found my thoughts churning obsessively, and almost instantly, over various textures and colors and flavors that might make a charming presentation. [Side: I know when I have really found a project to love when I wake up in the middle of the night to possible recipe formulations, interesting garnishes, or the timing logistics of carrying it all off. One time, when I was orchestrating a major freezer dinner enrichment activity, I woke in the night to nurse the baby and fumbling to remember which "side" the baby needed to nurse on, I found myself thinking "no he had the stuffed chicken already, he needs to have the beef!"]   

There is something so thrilling about participating in the process of culinary imagination to creation--and doing it en masse. Plus having a real reason to shop at Costco is, well, glorious!  Who doesn't get a little rise out of purchasing 11 pounds of butter and 7 quarts of heavy cream? I ask you!

In the end, I learned so much--about vanilla beans, about the importance of creaming in cake making, about time management, and (most importantly) about letting people help me in the process. My friend, Ashley, spent a lot of her Monday afternoon and most of her Tuesday morning cheerfully glazing chocolate cupcakes and pressing out tartlet dough. (I believe I pressed two tartlets to her 137.)  And Aaron, one night, bless that man's heart, single-handedly whipped up a gorgeous vat of Coconut Italian meringue and helped me lop it onto beautiful tiny cupcakes.  Finally, when it came time to actually plate the food, Ashley and Mindee spent more time in the kitchen than I did. Who knew that giving up some of the control and letting people participate with you could be so rewarding! 

(Maybe that is a sign of maturing, Mom.  You think so?) 

Though it wasn't perfect, (next time I will not glaze with a modified ganache, but, instead make a sturdier chocolate "shell"), I was proud of how it turned out. 

The final menu was:

Lemon tartlets with citrus sugar

Chocolate bombes (little chocolate cakes filled with ganache and glazed)

Mint and almond truffles [because I had a lot of extra ganache]

Strawberry shortcakes 

Vanilla creme mini cupcakes with coconut meringue

Lime shortbread with almonds and white chocolate

and

Almond sparkly sugar cookies

---

Me and Ashley (the fearless tart-presser-outer and grand friend)

Daily Tweets

• 21:38 I am hanging up the toque for the month and getting back on the diet. Ouch! It's been a pricey few weeks for the scale... #
• 21:46 Happy Mother's Day to my Mom, Mom-in-law, Sissies, Sis's-in-law, and Friends! #

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Daily Tweets

• 21:21 I. Am. So. Tired. #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:23 Swimming in ganache yesterday, today we are working the egg magic: lemon custard and Italian meringue. Wish us luck. #
• 16:55 While I was neglecting the children, H took the training wheels off the neighbor's bike for him. Oh and he threw the bolts in the trash. #
• 16:57 ~Awkward neighbor moment~ #

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Daily Tweets

• 08:08 Feeling a little "under the gun" today. And EZ is feverish. Movies, anyone? #

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Daily Tweets

• 20:00 Beautiful and relaxing day today. Now hunkering down for a very intense week to come. #

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Daily Tweets

• 08:28 We bought 50 lbs of flour, 24 lbs of butter, and 20 lbs of powdered sugar yesterday. Now let's get to work! #
• 00:15 Up late hanging with the hubby and setting up Quicken on the new computer. Feeling tired (and saddle sore). #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:36 I'm going to the Costco business center today. Woot! Woot! #

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Daily Tweets

• 10:10 Enjoying a beautiful crazy windy day with the guys. Whoa. It just knocked over the barbeque. So cool. #
• 17:05 Watched the garbage can fly across the street. Today's weather is endlessly entertaining. #

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Daily Tweets

• 13:18 Working on projects with the boys. #
• 16:07 You know, you forget when you always shop at Costco, that there are some great tasting butters out there. And they don't come in bulk. #
• 19:31 I love these nights when we are all home together. #
• 23:26 Watching Blindside with Aaron. Pretty good. #

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Daily Tweets

• 15:16 Getting the creative juices flowing. #

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Daily Tweets

• 22:07 Celebrating Aaron's birthday by killing him at Scrabble. Sorry, honey. A game's a game. #

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Daily Tweets

• 07:40 Hemming and hawwing. Should I stay and enter the bakeoff, use the thawed beef in the fridge, and clean the house today... #
• 07:43 ...or should I go to the big city an hour and a half away and play with two of my sissies? Hm, 'tis a question, indeed. #
• 10:05 I am getting so boring. Yesterday I bought a jar sealer attachment for my food saver. And I am excited to get it. #
• 10:06 (Yes, apparently I am sixty years-old, and no, I cannot identify Taylor Swift in a line-up.) #
• 13:47 Decided to stay and enter the contest with a recipe I've never tried before. We'll see. #
• 13:50 It is simply amazing what you can do with a good food processor. #
• 20:49 Got 2nd runner up and a festive little apron. The best part of the night--H shouting hooray, jumping up and grabbing the prize. #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:37 Persevered and exercised in the cold rain this morning. I think that that kind of dedication cancels out the chocolate fest of last night. #
• 09:38 Don't you think? #
• 15:41 I think having obsessions is a family trait. It comes from Dad, I believe. I've been thinking of doughnut ideas and a YW bakesale all day. #
• 21:47 Well, obsessions often become inconvenient reality in my life. We (the YW, leaders, etc) made 10 pans of Cinnamon rolls tonight, and I fear there will be more to come. #
• 21:52 More to come = More solo late-night mass food production with the (sometimes reluctant) help of Aaron. Could life get any better? I ask you. #

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Daily Tweets

• 14:27 I think I broke the treadmill. (Sigh.) #
• 15:37 5 yr old is taking apart a bike. Me: "Are you keeping all of the screws so we can put it back together?" Him: "Mom. I know what I'm doing." #

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Daily Tweets

• 20:54 What a strange day. We all started with cookies for breakfast (and then lunch) and had way too much movie time. GP everywhere. #
• 20:54 GP = Grumpy Pants #

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Daily Tweets

• 21:55 Almost ten o'clock and still hanging with all the boys. Making soft and puffy gingersnaps. #

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Daily Tweets

• 13:30 High 80s today, 90 tomorrow. Phew. Time to start exercising in the morning instead. #
• 14:38 When did I start losing control of the situation today??? There are staples, markers and paper everywhere. #
• 14:39 ...at least they haven't found where I stashed the play-dough, yet. #

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Daily Tweets

• 11:03 (Do I even dare say this aloud?) I'm thinking about cutting back on sugar intake for a month or so. There might be some crankiness ahead. #
• 11:04 But now I said it and everyone will know if I am doing it or not...so here it goes. #

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Daily Tweets

• 07:16 Need some Van Halen to get going this morning. Lionel Richie is just not cutting it. #

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Daily Tweets

• 16:53 Officially potty trained. EZ, that is. #
• 16:53 (p.s. It is starting to get hot and I am seriously thinking of finding a summer job in Alaska.) #
• 21:03 Dinner tonight: Grilled pork brisket, sauteed zucchini, and soft polenta with asiago and garlic. Welcome summer. I missed you, sort of. #

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Daily Tweets

• 13:30 Re-writing copy for Aaron's work. "I need it by this afternoon...thanks, honey..." #
• 15:13 Making spinach and butternut squash lasagna for dinner tonight. #
• 21:41 The lasagna was freaking amazing... #

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Daily Tweets

• 13:57 Made hummus for the first time today. It was pretty good. Oh, and wheat pita bread is perfectly acceptable sprinkled with salt and baked. #
• 13:59 ...unlike the soggy pita halves of my childhood that were unceremoniously stuffed with dry leftover roast and Sunday's salad soggy remnants. #
• 14:00 p.s. I love you, Mom. #
• 20:10 Would love some chocolate just about now. #

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Daily Tweets

• 21:38 Stayed up late finishing a book about the ill-fated "Endurance" and its unlikely exploration of the South Pole in the early 1900s. #
• 21:39 Going to crack open "Team of Rivals" tonight. Can't wait. #

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Daily Tweets

• 14:20 Gained 4 pounds in Utah. Today I am pledging diet loyalty once again. Next goal: skinny(er) in San Diego... #
• 17:35 Made buttermilk syrup, then used it as a binder for granola bars. Eureka! #

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Daily Tweets

• 10:37 Love conference, love Easter. Love, love, love when they are together on the same day. #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:29 Suffering from post-midnight-BigMac-meal guilt. #

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And Off We Go!

Tonight H told me about her.

It came out of the blue. One minute I was urging him to finish his milk and the next he was dreamily, and yet soberly, apprising me of his upcoming nuptials to a "Lily" from school.

(H) I used to like Jazlyn, but I like Lily now...and Lily... [dramatic pause] I'm going to marry...


(Me) In the Temple?

(H, Matter-of-fact with a dreamy grin) Yeah. In the temple.

Well! Hopefully he won't be using his limited Spanish to woo her anytime soon.

Daily Tweets

• 12:17 Met some nice gals at the park. It is a beautiful day! #

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Daily Tweets

• 21:51 Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. And it's too late to take myself to a movie. Hmph! #

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Daily Tweets

• 07:15 Monday morning and waking up tired. Yikes. #

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Daily Tweets

• 13:22 H is having a "yard sale" today. He just asked me if there was "anything" that we don't need... #
• 13:23 Currently his only merchandise are three "puzzles" he made at school (and packaged in classy looking baggies). #
• 13:25 The puzzles are going for $31, $42 and $49, respectively. In regards to the $49 purple one, he said "that's the spensive one." Apparently. #

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Dieting Tip #2

Make it Gorgeous

Surprisingly, through this [unending] journey of weight loss and self discovery, I have come to enjoy food more, if that is even possible. One way that I have learned to enjoy eating smaller portion sizes, and to be satisfied by truly good food, is to make it gorgeous.

By "making it gorgeous" I mean having a variety of colors and textures, and making a beautiful photo op presentation on the plate.

Two weeks ago, I pulled some of my beautiful china from storage.  The pieces in the collection are small  and delicate with a creamy bright white color. The idea was brilliant! I decided that, while I served up breakfast and lunch on the plastic IKEA plates for the boys, I would feast off of $15 dessert bowls--it feels indulgent just using them to eat yogurt out of.

Now every time I sit down to breakfast, I feel like I am at a gourmet health spa.

Dieting Tip #1

The Gourmet Principle: Use Flavor to Keep it Interesting, Not Quantity

I have found, again and again, that I can be satisfied on far less food if it is interesting. I like to think of it as the "gourmet principle" because it is like going to a good restaurant, where the portions are very small, but the flavors are true--bright, fresh, balanced, and interesting.

Some basic already-have-around-the-kitchen flavor enhancers (that are used in small quantities) that have worked for me:

• Fresh ginger
• Horseradish
• Sesame oil
• Lemon (zest, oil, juice...)
• Lime
• Garlic
• Shallots
• Scallions 
• Fresh pesto
• Toasted nuts (almonds, cashews, pistachios, walnuts, etc)
• Fresh herbs
• Soy sauce
• Buttermilk
• Parmesan cheese (the real stuff, please)
• Feta cheese
• Chiles
• Cinnamon
• Curry powder
• Cilantro
• Fennel seed

Daily Tweets

• 11:05 Don't come visit me today. I saw at least twenty senior citizens loading up on booze this morning at Smiths. Happy St. Patty's! #

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Daily Tweets

• 16:05 Babysitting. #

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Daily Tweets

• 17:35 We're having baked potatoes for dinner. And that's it. #

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Drum Roll Please, Ladies and Gentlemen...It's Your Highs and Lows List!

Highs:

• Reading a new book about exercise science and body function that is changing my views of exercise and its role in weight loss and overall health.
• Successfully singing a solo in two simultaneous church functions (and by successful, I mean there was not too much armpit sweating and shaking).
• Meeting with several other women in a "power of Moms" circle and feeling very much inspired and rejuvenated.
• Getting a cute haircut.
• Buying a new food processor.
• Getting a shout-out from H's teacher and an invitation for him to enter the "gifted and talented" program.
• Loving the beautiful 70 degree weather.
• Running as a family.
• Tweaking the Oatmeal-scotchies recipe with my new understanding of acidity vs. alkalinity and finding out that it works. Eureka!
• Buying a new spring dress.
• Taking the time to observe lizards, turtles, fish, ducks, geese, and rabbits in the neighborhood with my little ones.
• Enjoying the hilarious (and, sometimes disturbingly realistic) observations of a three-year-old male.
• Sending A off to nursery.
• Successfully navigating a week of stress and new horizons.
• Enjoying dinner time with Daddy an extra hour early because of Daylight savings time.
• Watching the boys discover the joys of cousins!
• Fleshing out my ideas for the "vegetables are sexy" website.
• Basking in some short bursts of time with extended family.
• Hitting my all-time lowest weight so far. One more down, 9 to goal.
• Reveling in the simplicity of my quiet little life in this quiet little town.
• Making memories exploring the shore of a local lake and discovering all sorts of treasures on our Friday Family Venture.
• Reconnecting by reminiscing with Aaron until 1:30 a.m.
• Sneaking in carrots and garlic to E's beloved rice dish, calling it "orange rice," and getting rave reviews from the crowd. E eating veggies in any form = Mommy, win! 
• Enjoying New Beginnings from the sidelines, mostly.
• Standing at the top of the overpass with the boys, waving to semi-truck drivers and watching the excitement on their faces when the drivers wave or honk back.
• Appreciating the sustaining power of good women and good friends.
• Discovering new make-up tricks from some of the best women around. (Hold and count to 15.)
• Getting a surprise offer for free babysitting from a woman in our ward.

Lows:

• Hearing A's screaming in nursery for most of Sunday School.
• Living on the edge of the grocery budget for every week after the first of the month.
• Eating an entire bag (900 Kcal) of "circus peanuts" on our Friday Family Venture.
• Also eating a lot of nutter butters and popcorn on said family venture.
• Ok, fine, and eating a lot of the Oatmeal-scotchie cookie dough and brownie dough and what-have-you.
• Passed my "goal weight" date without achieving "goal weight" for the third time this year.
• Spending $70 on a meal at the "best restaurant in town" and eating the equivalent of a grade B dinner--sticking to dinner at home from now on.
• Only losing one pound. One. Measly. Pound.
• Failing to observe when I gave offense to someone.
• Being called to task for said offense.
• Fumbling over an embarrassing haircut experience, causing me to tip the "beautician" a whopping 50% ("You should come back in a month and we will have hairpieces you can try..." Ummmm. Ok.)
• Meaning to, but not exercising.

Daily Tweets

• 18:25 Had an oatmeal-scotchie breakthrough. All butter (no shortening) and still a puffy, chewy cookie by controlling the acidity of the batter. #
• 20:07 Had a fun and relaxed day with the boys, today. We need more of these. #

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Daily Tweets

• 23:28 Done!!! #

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Daily Tweets

• 12:39 Hmmm. Maybe we are watching too much America's Test Kitchen. HY just "added wine" to his pretend risotto... #
• 12:43 Those sneaky school photographers! I didn't order them but they took pics anyway and sent them home to look over "just in case." #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:46 Hunkering down for a week of stress and trepidation. #
• 09:49 ...but I got a new dress and a new food processor on Saturday, so that helps, a little. #

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Good Morning World, How Are Ya Happiness!

I read this morning that Elder Ballard taught

"...a mother's nurturing love arouses in children, from their earliest days on earth, an awakening of the memories of love and goodness they experienced in their premortal existence." 

Isn't that beautiful?

Daily Tweets

• 14:44 Making cinnamon rolls today. Doorbell ditching them later on. #

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Bone Weary

My brain is so full tonight and I have a slight headache. There is so much information that I feel like I have to process through every day--kids schedules, menus, diet, budget, food science book that is due back at the library, food storage, magazines, family blogs, YW stuff, scriptures, additional enlightenment, visiting teaching messages, calendaring, coordinating, etc. And all of this while my three sweet children seem to be especially needy for my [simultaneous] undivided attention, which translates as constant chatter and constant questions/requests.

I need some time for quiet meditation, real meditation. I need some time where I can stop and think about all of this information and internalize it. But every time I actually sit down when things are finally quiet, I immediately fall asleep.

Somebody please tell me this is not how it always is.

An Open Letter to My Mother

Dear Mom,

Today, while I was making dinner, ASH was lying on the floor at my feet, staring aimlessly at the ceiling whilst digging his little toenails into my lower calf muscle. My first thought was "Hello? Can't you see that that hurts my leg?" But then I started to laugh, because, in a flood of instant memories, I realized it: I am his mother--not a person, per se, but a constant, forgiving, institutional force in his little life.  And, just as suddenly, I felt compelled to send you an overdue apology.

Mom, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all of the times I sat at your dinner table (after you slaved for an hour) and, with sneering emotion, deemed the menu "YUCKY!"

I'm sorry for the incessant talking, the incessant questions, and the incessant whining.

I'm sorry for all of the times I invaded your personal space, barged in on you in the bathroom,  and took your things.

I'm sorry that I never saw you as a learning, growing human being or realized that you had feelings, dreams, bad days, sick days, passions, and responsibilities beyond me.

I'm sorry for leaving the towels on the floor.

I'm sorry for taking your kitchen gadgets and dish soap* outside and not bringing them back in.

I'm sorry for fighting with the sibs.

I'm sorry for walking around with my nose up in the air, feeling positive that I knew more than you did.

---

When all is said and done, it is your example of patience that helps me to laugh and (yes!) enjoy the highly entertaining, constantly enlightening, sometimes daunting, and habitually thankless job of motherhood.

Love,
Deborah

*Incidently, the addition of dish soap to mud makes the most lovely, frothiest mud pies. I miss those days.

Daily Tweets

• 10:22 I hate lemon bars. (Not that it matters.) #
• 10:22 I think Raspberry almond bars are superior. #

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Daily Tweets

• 14:21 Pres mtg? Check. YW activity? Cancelled. Diet? Sticking to it (barely, phew!). Weekend here I come!!! #

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Daily Tweets

• 18:12 Making dinner. Thinking of cookies. #

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Daily Tweets

• 13:30 Happy Fat Tuesday! #

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Cohorts

I love butter. 

No, really, I do. I am passionate about butter. (We don't do margarine at our house. Ever.)

Sweet, cream, salty, mild, European syle, Irish, mixed with herbs and wrapped in chicken, tempered with garlic and sloshed over pizza (Thank you Papa John!), whipped with honey and slathered on corn bread, whatever...

As far as I'm concerned, the roll is just the vehicle.

And, apparently, I'm not the only one in the family with this [not so secret] passion.

Daily Tweets

• 16:01 67 degrees today. 69 tomorrow. Love February in this town! #
• 16:02 Lining up the boys for a lively hair-cutting session in the backyard. #

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Daily Tweets

• 15:38 Making sugar cookies. #

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Daily Tweets

• 15:07 Bought "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief" at the store today. Excited to read it tonight. #

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I'm Rockin My Baby, and Babies Don't Keep

Today was one of the first days, in a while, where I had all three of my babies with me all day long. Oh how I have missed this time--the lazy time in the morning snuggling down in bed together reading, tickling and wiggling; the inevitable doggie pile if I ever chance to lie down on the ground; and the insatiable curiosity about anything dirty.

EZ seemed to be at his comedic best, this afternoon, impersonating a dinosaur and then, later, manipulating me into making him biscuits using the commitment pattern.  "Mom, will you pleeeeeeease make me bibbits TONIGHT, mother dear, pleeeease. I don't like soup, just bibbits." I told him that I would if he did an interpretive dance and/or sang an original song about biscuits. And, surprisingly, he did--both the booty shake and some random song about biscuits falling down. I was entranced. He is a crack up.   

At one point we were driving somewhere and I could see them all in my rear-view mirror--three wide-eyed boys, so cute and so content, pointing out garbage trucks and other varieties of machinery.

And my heart just about burst.

Daily Tweets

• 15:57 ASH barfed on me in the hall on the way to Sunday School. #
• 15:57 Feeling melancholy. Sundays are so sad. I wish someone would just stop by and stay for dinner. #

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Somos Novios

How was I to know that night ten years ago, as I pledged my undying love back to that (unbelievably) cute eighteen-year-old boy, that I really had met my match--my dearest and truest friend?


Now we sit together at night, when all is finally quiet, and laugh at our own little kingdom and the wonder of it all.  I feel such deep contentment.

We dream the same dreams.

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