Daily Tweets

• 09:29 Suffering from post-midnight-BigMac-meal guilt. #

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And Off We Go!

Tonight H told me about her.

It came out of the blue. One minute I was urging him to finish his milk and the next he was dreamily, and yet soberly, apprising me of his upcoming nuptials to a "Lily" from school.

(H) I used to like Jazlyn, but I like Lily now...and Lily... [dramatic pause] I'm going to marry...


(Me) In the Temple?

(H, Matter-of-fact with a dreamy grin) Yeah. In the temple.

Well! Hopefully he won't be using his limited Spanish to woo her anytime soon.

Daily Tweets

• 12:17 Met some nice gals at the park. It is a beautiful day! #

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Daily Tweets

• 21:51 Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. And it's too late to take myself to a movie. Hmph! #

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Daily Tweets

• 07:15 Monday morning and waking up tired. Yikes. #

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Daily Tweets

• 13:22 H is having a "yard sale" today. He just asked me if there was "anything" that we don't need... #
• 13:23 Currently his only merchandise are three "puzzles" he made at school (and packaged in classy looking baggies). #
• 13:25 The puzzles are going for $31, $42 and $49, respectively. In regards to the $49 purple one, he said "that's the spensive one." Apparently. #

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Dieting Tip #2

Make it Gorgeous

Surprisingly, through this [unending] journey of weight loss and self discovery, I have come to enjoy food more, if that is even possible. One way that I have learned to enjoy eating smaller portion sizes, and to be satisfied by truly good food, is to make it gorgeous.

By "making it gorgeous" I mean having a variety of colors and textures, and making a beautiful photo op presentation on the plate.

Two weeks ago, I pulled some of my beautiful china from storage.  The pieces in the collection are small  and delicate with a creamy bright white color. The idea was brilliant! I decided that, while I served up breakfast and lunch on the plastic IKEA plates for the boys, I would feast off of $15 dessert bowls--it feels indulgent just using them to eat yogurt out of.

Now every time I sit down to breakfast, I feel like I am at a gourmet health spa.

Dieting Tip #1

The Gourmet Principle: Use Flavor to Keep it Interesting, Not Quantity

I have found, again and again, that I can be satisfied on far less food if it is interesting. I like to think of it as the "gourmet principle" because it is like going to a good restaurant, where the portions are very small, but the flavors are true--bright, fresh, balanced, and interesting.

Some basic already-have-around-the-kitchen flavor enhancers (that are used in small quantities) that have worked for me:

• Fresh ginger
• Horseradish
• Sesame oil
• Lemon (zest, oil, juice...)
• Lime
• Garlic
• Shallots
• Scallions 
• Fresh pesto
• Toasted nuts (almonds, cashews, pistachios, walnuts, etc)
• Fresh herbs
• Soy sauce
• Buttermilk
• Parmesan cheese (the real stuff, please)
• Feta cheese
• Chiles
• Cinnamon
• Curry powder
• Cilantro
• Fennel seed

Daily Tweets

• 11:05 Don't come visit me today. I saw at least twenty senior citizens loading up on booze this morning at Smiths. Happy St. Patty's! #

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Daily Tweets

• 16:05 Babysitting. #

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Daily Tweets

• 17:35 We're having baked potatoes for dinner. And that's it. #

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Drum Roll Please, Ladies and Gentlemen...It's Your Highs and Lows List!

Highs:

• Reading a new book about exercise science and body function that is changing my views of exercise and its role in weight loss and overall health.
• Successfully singing a solo in two simultaneous church functions (and by successful, I mean there was not too much armpit sweating and shaking).
• Meeting with several other women in a "power of Moms" circle and feeling very much inspired and rejuvenated.
• Getting a cute haircut.
• Buying a new food processor.
• Getting a shout-out from H's teacher and an invitation for him to enter the "gifted and talented" program.
• Loving the beautiful 70 degree weather.
• Running as a family.
• Tweaking the Oatmeal-scotchies recipe with my new understanding of acidity vs. alkalinity and finding out that it works. Eureka!
• Buying a new spring dress.
• Taking the time to observe lizards, turtles, fish, ducks, geese, and rabbits in the neighborhood with my little ones.
• Enjoying the hilarious (and, sometimes disturbingly realistic) observations of a three-year-old male.
• Sending A off to nursery.
• Successfully navigating a week of stress and new horizons.
• Enjoying dinner time with Daddy an extra hour early because of Daylight savings time.
• Watching the boys discover the joys of cousins!
• Fleshing out my ideas for the "vegetables are sexy" website.
• Basking in some short bursts of time with extended family.
• Hitting my all-time lowest weight so far. One more down, 9 to goal.
• Reveling in the simplicity of my quiet little life in this quiet little town.
• Making memories exploring the shore of a local lake and discovering all sorts of treasures on our Friday Family Venture.
• Reconnecting by reminiscing with Aaron until 1:30 a.m.
• Sneaking in carrots and garlic to E's beloved rice dish, calling it "orange rice," and getting rave reviews from the crowd. E eating veggies in any form = Mommy, win! 
• Enjoying New Beginnings from the sidelines, mostly.
• Standing at the top of the overpass with the boys, waving to semi-truck drivers and watching the excitement on their faces when the drivers wave or honk back.
• Appreciating the sustaining power of good women and good friends.
• Discovering new make-up tricks from some of the best women around. (Hold and count to 15.)
• Getting a surprise offer for free babysitting from a woman in our ward.

Lows:

• Hearing A's screaming in nursery for most of Sunday School.
• Living on the edge of the grocery budget for every week after the first of the month.
• Eating an entire bag (900 Kcal) of "circus peanuts" on our Friday Family Venture.
• Also eating a lot of nutter butters and popcorn on said family venture.
• Ok, fine, and eating a lot of the Oatmeal-scotchie cookie dough and brownie dough and what-have-you.
• Passed my "goal weight" date without achieving "goal weight" for the third time this year.
• Spending $70 on a meal at the "best restaurant in town" and eating the equivalent of a grade B dinner--sticking to dinner at home from now on.
• Only losing one pound. One. Measly. Pound.
• Failing to observe when I gave offense to someone.
• Being called to task for said offense.
• Fumbling over an embarrassing haircut experience, causing me to tip the "beautician" a whopping 50% ("You should come back in a month and we will have hairpieces you can try..." Ummmm. Ok.)
• Meaning to, but not exercising.

Daily Tweets

• 18:25 Had an oatmeal-scotchie breakthrough. All butter (no shortening) and still a puffy, chewy cookie by controlling the acidity of the batter. #
• 20:07 Had a fun and relaxed day with the boys, today. We need more of these. #

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Daily Tweets

• 23:28 Done!!! #

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Daily Tweets

• 12:39 Hmmm. Maybe we are watching too much America's Test Kitchen. HY just "added wine" to his pretend risotto... #
• 12:43 Those sneaky school photographers! I didn't order them but they took pics anyway and sent them home to look over "just in case." #

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Daily Tweets

• 09:46 Hunkering down for a week of stress and trepidation. #
• 09:49 ...but I got a new dress and a new food processor on Saturday, so that helps, a little. #

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Good Morning World, How Are Ya Happiness!

I read this morning that Elder Ballard taught

"...a mother's nurturing love arouses in children, from their earliest days on earth, an awakening of the memories of love and goodness they experienced in their premortal existence." 

Isn't that beautiful?

Daily Tweets

• 14:44 Making cinnamon rolls today. Doorbell ditching them later on. #

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Bone Weary

My brain is so full tonight and I have a slight headache. There is so much information that I feel like I have to process through every day--kids schedules, menus, diet, budget, food science book that is due back at the library, food storage, magazines, family blogs, YW stuff, scriptures, additional enlightenment, visiting teaching messages, calendaring, coordinating, etc. And all of this while my three sweet children seem to be especially needy for my [simultaneous] undivided attention, which translates as constant chatter and constant questions/requests.

I need some time for quiet meditation, real meditation. I need some time where I can stop and think about all of this information and internalize it. But every time I actually sit down when things are finally quiet, I immediately fall asleep.

Somebody please tell me this is not how it always is.

An Open Letter to My Mother

Dear Mom,

Today, while I was making dinner, ASH was lying on the floor at my feet, staring aimlessly at the ceiling whilst digging his little toenails into my lower calf muscle. My first thought was "Hello? Can't you see that that hurts my leg?" But then I started to laugh, because, in a flood of instant memories, I realized it: I am his mother--not a person, per se, but a constant, forgiving, institutional force in his little life.  And, just as suddenly, I felt compelled to send you an overdue apology.

Mom, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all of the times I sat at your dinner table (after you slaved for an hour) and, with sneering emotion, deemed the menu "YUCKY!"

I'm sorry for the incessant talking, the incessant questions, and the incessant whining.

I'm sorry for all of the times I invaded your personal space, barged in on you in the bathroom,  and took your things.

I'm sorry that I never saw you as a learning, growing human being or realized that you had feelings, dreams, bad days, sick days, passions, and responsibilities beyond me.

I'm sorry for leaving the towels on the floor.

I'm sorry for taking your kitchen gadgets and dish soap* outside and not bringing them back in.

I'm sorry for fighting with the sibs.

I'm sorry for walking around with my nose up in the air, feeling positive that I knew more than you did.

---

When all is said and done, it is your example of patience that helps me to laugh and (yes!) enjoy the highly entertaining, constantly enlightening, sometimes daunting, and habitually thankless job of motherhood.

Love,
Deborah

*Incidently, the addition of dish soap to mud makes the most lovely, frothiest mud pies. I miss those days.

Daily Tweets

• 10:22 I hate lemon bars. (Not that it matters.) #
• 10:22 I think Raspberry almond bars are superior. #

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Daily Tweets

• 14:21 Pres mtg? Check. YW activity? Cancelled. Diet? Sticking to it (barely, phew!). Weekend here I come!!! #

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Daily Tweets

• 18:12 Making dinner. Thinking of cookies. #

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Daily Tweets

• 13:30 Happy Fat Tuesday! #

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Cohorts

I love butter. 

No, really, I do. I am passionate about butter. (We don't do margarine at our house. Ever.)

Sweet, cream, salty, mild, European syle, Irish, mixed with herbs and wrapped in chicken, tempered with garlic and sloshed over pizza (Thank you Papa John!), whipped with honey and slathered on corn bread, whatever...

As far as I'm concerned, the roll is just the vehicle.

And, apparently, I'm not the only one in the family with this [not so secret] passion.

Daily Tweets

• 16:01 67 degrees today. 69 tomorrow. Love February in this town! #
• 16:02 Lining up the boys for a lively hair-cutting session in the backyard. #

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Daily Tweets

• 15:38 Making sugar cookies. #

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Daily Tweets

• 15:07 Bought "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief" at the store today. Excited to read it tonight. #

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I'm Rockin My Baby, and Babies Don't Keep

Today was one of the first days, in a while, where I had all three of my babies with me all day long. Oh how I have missed this time--the lazy time in the morning snuggling down in bed together reading, tickling and wiggling; the inevitable doggie pile if I ever chance to lie down on the ground; and the insatiable curiosity about anything dirty.

EZ seemed to be at his comedic best, this afternoon, impersonating a dinosaur and then, later, manipulating me into making him biscuits using the commitment pattern.  "Mom, will you pleeeeeeease make me bibbits TONIGHT, mother dear, pleeeease. I don't like soup, just bibbits." I told him that I would if he did an interpretive dance and/or sang an original song about biscuits. And, surprisingly, he did--both the booty shake and some random song about biscuits falling down. I was entranced. He is a crack up.   

At one point we were driving somewhere and I could see them all in my rear-view mirror--three wide-eyed boys, so cute and so content, pointing out garbage trucks and other varieties of machinery.

And my heart just about burst.

Daily Tweets

• 15:57 ASH barfed on me in the hall on the way to Sunday School. #
• 15:57 Feeling melancholy. Sundays are so sad. I wish someone would just stop by and stay for dinner. #

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Somos Novios

How was I to know that night ten years ago, as I pledged my undying love back to that (unbelievably) cute eighteen-year-old boy, that I really had met my match--my dearest and truest friend?


Now we sit together at night, when all is finally quiet, and laugh at our own little kingdom and the wonder of it all.  I feel such deep contentment.

We dream the same dreams.

Sin hacer más comentarios
Somos novios

Daily Tweets

• 22:04 Nothing sweeter than my baby asking if I'll pray with him. Ahhh. Good day. #

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May I Just Vent For a Minute?

Highs

• ASH is becoming more independent
• EZ is becoming more independent
• I have discovered new food science material that is changing everything about how I approach bread-making (and beyond, really)
• Using these techniques, I made some rockin' blueberry scones the other day
• The weather is getting warmer
• We got our family pictures!
• My taxes are filed
• I haven't gained more than 2 pounds since October
• We are sticking to the grocery budget, come rain or come shine (aka I am resisting the persistent urge to monthly spend $500 on exotic ingredients, etc)
• This summer's family trip is going to be stellar and we couldn't be more excited
• I'm planning to be at my "ideal" body weight by said family trip
• I am participating in a new mother's learning circle group
• The children are getting older and it is fun to see them as little individuals
• I love my sweet and cute little ones
• I feel more lucky, every day, that I married who I married
• YW is finally starting to go

Lows

• ASH thinks he is a super big dude and has completely lost his mind--nothing is safe anymore
• EZ is the king of kissing and pinching--truly the dichotomy incarnate
• Three little boys + excessive energy + warmer weather + boring town = driving mom bananas
• My new found food knowledge is distracting me from my calorie counting (Does anyone out there want to be a taste-tester? I am serious here, folks.)
• The scones alone were 407 calories each. Eeek.
• In a fit of practicality, Aaron and I decided to dedicate most of the impending tax refund to a decidedly un-sexy endeavor
• The family pictures, unfortunately, look exactly like us--one (slightly chunky) mom, one hot dad, one photogenic kid, one ham, and one sad toddler--ordinary individuals with a black background
• I haven't lost more than 4 pounds since October
• It is basically February and I can't stay under 1500 Kcal for more than 4 days in a row (sigh)
• In the name of staying on budget for January, I am out of the following: vanilla, cornmeal, shortening, butter, eggs, milk, fresh and/or frozen vegetables, cheese, yogurt, bread, garlic, onions, TP, deodorant, razors, etc)
• The "mother's circle" material, so far, makes me feel enormously guilty
• I have officially become a real mother--yesterday I was told that I was "mean" by my five-year-old
• I feel more pulls and stresses than I have in a long long time
• It is not getting any better
• I see Aaron less and less
• Because of this stress, I have found myself daily combing the house for chocolate
• It could also be hormones
• YW is a full time (unpaid) job
• I am tired

Daily Tweets

• 21:50 Taxes are filed. Time to party! #

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Daily Tweets

• 14:03 Just returned from the (surprise) overnight trip to Vegas. Thanks, Sis. I needed that. #

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Daily Tweets

• 21:29 Just witnessed the saddest/most hilarious circus I have ever seen--featuring an 11 yr old clown and a trans-gender "Indonesian" dancer. #
• 21:32 Kids in bed. Now, settling down to watch "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs" with the man of the house. #

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Daily Tweets

• 23:02 Fun with the screwdriver again. The five-year-old has an insatiable curiosity for mechanical items. Bonus: He fixed the fan!

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Daily Tweets

• 14:28 HY has been coming up with new letters in addition to the regular 26. One of them is pronounced "durn" and the symbol is a hyperactive "M."
• 14:29 Today he showed me another one, called a "turp" that is represented by a sort of sideways 8 with a wiggily tail. Strange.
• 14:30 The funny thing is that he is using these "new" letters in forming "new" words, like "pro[durn]lop[turp]i." Should I be alarmed or amused?
• 14:32 Did you know that you can give money directly to the church for emergency aid www.give.lds.org/emergencyresponse How cool is that?
• 21:05 All kids in bed. So nice.
  

Daily Tweets

• 14:42 Stake Conference was great. Off to nap.

Daily Tweets

• 11:18 This morning's family jump rope competition was temporarily halted by jumping-induced-incontinence and too-loose shorts.
• 11:20 It's hard to jump with your shorts around your ankles. But it DOES produce massive fits of giggling in little boys, let me tell you...
• 11:21 By the way, I beat Aaron by four jumps. Booyah!

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Daily Tweets

• 22:50 I want a pizza. And chocolate.

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Daily Tweets

• 14:29 Remember that bowl of pasta that he called "yucky" and threw across the room? Yeah. Now he's crying because I threw it away. Sheesh.
  
• 14:31 Me and the boys...we need a vacation!
• 16:55 HY just asked me what happens to the gluten in dough when it is heated. ...I'm speechless (and in love!) My children are brilliant!
• 17:00 Is there anything a common gal like I can do for Haiti? What do you think?
• 17:18 Got tired of standing outside. So I moved all the furniture and let them ride bikes inside. What a great idea!

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Daily Tweets

• 22:20 YW went well tonight. Score one point. Went over calories by teaching fettuccine alfredo . Take two away. #

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Daily Tweets

• 08:58 More evidence that FHE is really making a difference: (EZ, with conviction) "Jesus loves...pizza and breadsticks!" #
• 11:43 Oatmeal from the garbage smeared on face and floor, a whole cup of milk on the carpet, pen on the wall. ASH has gone to the dark side. Sigh. #
• 11:44 Now what is that smell? And where is EZ? #
• 18:32 Made dinner that kids won't really go for and Aaron just called saying he won't be home. What to do with all this food and no will-power? #

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Daily Tweets

• 12:31 Entering negotiations today with EZ regarding potty training. #
• 14:47 Potty negotiations going well. Had a slight hiccup when EZ demanded the potty be perched atop my cedar chest. #
• 20:18 Nothing says "family togetherness" like boogie-ing to 94.5 The Vibe. Post-FHE freakin, doing "the eagle" and general white-man dancing. Fun. #

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Fresh New Up-do

Aaron asked me, the other day, if I was going to change the title of my blog.

"But it has been that title for years...I don't think that it really affects me..." I replied.

But, hey, looking back on the previous year, things have changed. I can't say that I like eating any less, but it is just not the elephant in the room anymore.

So, out with the old and on with the, well, better!

Oh, and Aaron, thanks! You are everything.

Give Me Gingerbread, Or Give Me Death

Really I should be working on the Christmas feast right now, or working on the ghastly toilets (for the guest's sake!). But instead, we are taking pictures and blogging. I don't think that the excitement level in our home can get much higher today. How fun is Christmas with little children in the house? All I know is that I could burn in Hell for all the lies I've been spinning lately about flying reindeer, elves, and the like. Either way, whoa! I am excited.

Merry Christmas!

Very Merry Happy-Snappy Holly Jolly Bright

• 09:57 Already calendaring June and July. It is already mostly booked. What is happening to my life??? #

• 08:34 Excited today to hear news on the impending birth of my new niece today. Happy Birthday Little One!!! #
• 14:58 Yum. Gingerbread. #
• 18:04 Green eggs (no ham) for dinner. The idea was genius. #

• 09:41 Watching Aaron patiently allow the boys to "help" him in bleeding the brakes. Seriously impressed. I would have booted them all by now. #
• 09:42 There's nothing I love more than a refrigerator stocked with a beautiful array of fresh fruits and vegetables. Really, it is gorgeous!!! #

• 15:09 Feel absolutely paralyzed by so much to do. Just really want to eat chocolate instead. #

They Get So Big, So Fast

Baby boy, you are simply delicious right now. Please don't turn two anytime soon...

• 22:03 Staying up waaaaay too late. Go to bed! #
• 22:18 And eating too much... #

• 12:03 80 what? Where is cold, crisp November? We practically melted at the Veteran's Day parade today. #
• 12:05 And yet another sign that we are getting very, very old: Aaron and I both choked up at seeing the flag and veterans walking in the parade. #
• 12:06 What is next? Lawrence Welk? #

• 08:25 TGIF!!! Hooray! #
• 13:53 Going shopping!!! #

• 15:27 What a gorgeous day! Apparently putting those summer clothes into storage was a bit hasty. #

• 20:58 It must be late. I am toggling websites about cloth diapering and feeling very much convinced. Should I do it? #
• 20:59 p.s. thanks to all for the recommendation about don'tjudgemyhair.com. Laughing out loud right now. #

• 06:01 November already? #
• 06:02 The delight of daylight savings time is no longer when you have children. They now just wake at 5:30 a.m. instead of 6:30 a.m. #

Seemed Appropriate

I was a witch, obviously.



Aaron was Elvis.


Due to the fact that we missed the picture opportunity this year with Aaron, I am showing, for your viewing pleasure tonight, a picture of Aaron getting ready for "trek" in 2008. In this picture you might notice him sporting a healthy beard--the singular object that brought all romantic notions to a screeching halt in our home that summer. Clearly, I would not have done well as one of Brigham's wives, but I digress. Enjoy!

Fast Sunday on Halloween?

They started out as pretty cute pirates but, to my chagrin, ended up stripping much of their costumes and walking around the ward's trunk or treat looking like the tattered little orphan boys who's mommy was too tired (or too broke) to dress them for Halloween. I hope this doesn't mean that I will be getting more* hand-me-downs doorbell ditched in the coming weeks.

Despite the wardrobe malfunctions, however, I think they had a marvelous time. And we almost got away without even picking up candy (the boys seemed happy enough just to hand it out and watch the endless parade.) But the inner-Mommy inside of me finally prevailed so we traipsed around to a few cars and drove home appropriately sticky and tired after the night's festivities.

Little do they know, that I have already corralled all their loot, sorted it, trashed some, and tucked the rest of it away until, in the coming months, we need a three-in-the-afternoon-pick-me-up. Either that, or a bribe.

*I seem to attract the charitable gaze of many a person who is looking to get rid of children's clothing. Seriously, people give me stuff, at least, every couple of months. I am not complaining, mind you. Really, it is very kind of them. All I am saying is that it is starting to give me a complex.

• 10:11 Caught ASH eating out of the garbage. #
• 10:14 Finally turned the heater on today. The smell makes me want to bake, make soup, and snuggle down with a book. #
• 10:32 In an attempt to be frugal, made my own cheese crackers yesterday. Took, maybe, 10 minutes to put together and the results were heavenly. #
• 20:17 Dear visiting teachers, home teachers, neighbors, and anonymous holiday zealots: I love you all, but please stop bringing by treats. Really. #

• 07:37 Fevers again today. Hate to admit it, but it is such a nice break to have a quiet, complacent, five-year-old. #

Food Storage for Lovers

My oldest baby is sick today with a fever. It made for a nice mellow day at home and I am finally taking a breath after another crazy few weeks. I even took a nap today. (The miracles will never cease!) I got a new calling this past week that sent me rummaging, in a brief emotional moment of stress, for chocolate throughout the house: Young Women's President. And I have been canning again (thanks to my great friend).

The bad news of the month is that I haven't really made a lot of progress in the weight loss department (currently at 168 lbs and holding), but the good news is that I haven't made any gains, either. And I am learning so much--about myself, about food, and about self-control in general.

I think why this month has been harder is because I am trying to tighten up the self-control muscles in multiple areas of my life. I am trying to learn to eat consistently, well (ie not wasting time eating gross food, emphasizing whole-grains, fruit, vegetables, etc), and with gratitude for it.

I am also trying to become stronger, physically. This involves breaking down years of mind barriers (I'm not that kind of person...) in addition to just plain getting up earlier than the children to exercise.

Then there is the budget. Without divulging too many boring details, we have enacted a tighter stance. And though there is money that could be spent, we are trying not to spend it.

Not to mention the fervent desires of my heart for meditation, scriptures and prayer. They go without saying and, always for me, take discipline and constant attention.

Mix it all together and I am running out of indulgences, frankly. I cannot (or will not) eat mounds of cookie dough. I am not wantonly purchasing to my heart's content, and I am trying to be frugal even in the necessities. The advent of motherhood has effectively relegated personal exercise and spiritual enlightenment to the early morning hours. And the list goes on and on.

Where can a girl catch a break?

Finally, though, in the interest of complete disclosure, I am not tearing it up in any of the above categories. Really, I am not. But there is so much satisfaction and power in the attempting--in the striving. And I can feel my heart changing.

• 20:45 Turbo scrabble, anyone? #
• 21:45 Ok, fine. I ate half of the pan of apple crisp today. There. I said it. (I really need some professional help, obviously.) #

• 19:34 Enjoyed myself at the Witches Tea Party, now I'm off to the Stake Dance. I can almost hear "Lady in Red" as we speak. Wish me luck! #

• 22:27 So I am sitting on the backyard porch, shooting the breeze with the hubby, and a skunk casually saunters by looking for grub. #
• 22:28 Totally freaked me out. My blood ran cold... Now I am watching him through the window wishing the kids were awake to see it. #
• 22:29 Aaron's texting various friends to see if anyone wants to come and do some target practice. #

• 11:23 Re-thinking the pillsbury bake-off. I don't like the products, and looking over the website, I feel out-of-place. #
• 11:23 It's a jungle out there. Ladies make a career out of this stuff. #

Finally Broke Through

169 lbs this morning!!! (Technically it was 168 for three times and then 169 for two times. But for goal-sake I am rounding up! Yes, I am a multiple weigher-inner.)

Unfortunately my goal for next week is 167 lbs, which means that I need to stop eating these lovely ham appetizers that I am making for Aaron's work today. Darn.

• 19:56 Successful family home evening means ending with a rousing game of "boola, boola." Ahhh, memories. #

Ladies and Gentlemen, It's List Time!!

It has been an interesting few months. I have been:

• Staying up, consistently, too late every night
• Learning to make ruffles
• Losing children in department stores
• Coordinating a wedding reception in two weeks
• Failing at communicating and leading (I have so much more to learn)
• Coming up with tart crust recipes
• Baking said tart crusts
• Eating said tart crusts
• Coming up with filling recipes
• Taste-testing said recipes
• Pulling off the wedding reception (with lots of great gals)
• Doorbell ditching leftover tarts
• Enjoying the constantly-entertaining antics of my little ones
• "Falling off the wagon"
• Getting back on the wagon (never surrender...)
• Feeling lonely and misunderstood in the world of women (sometimes I would just rather talk to men, they are much less...complicated at times)
• Transforming an ugly DI-headed jumper into a lovely light skirt
• Playing "hide and go seek" as a family and having a grand time (I forgot how much fun that stuff is...)
• Watching conference
• Re-listening to conference on the iPod
• Kissing
• Failing at motherhood
• Succeeding at motherhood (ha!)
• Boot scootin boogie-ing with the YW
• Studying America's Test Kitchen's latest cookbook (and then putting it on the back burner for a while because it is a distraction to my diet...)
• Fitting into my dress that I wore to Aaron's misson home-coming talk (Hooray!!!)
• Waiting (in vain!) for that 169 on the scale
• Running my mouth
• Absorbing Elizabeth Smart's trial testimony
• Exercising outside at night and in the morning--finally sane weather after months of madness
• Feeding four hungry teenagers
• Re-working the family budget to save several thousand more a year (cross the fingers)
• Devouring Julia Child's My Life in Paris
• Embarassing myself
• Suffering through mandatory "parent meetings" at HY's school
• Enjoying the quirks and sweet babblings of my baby
• Trying my hand at canning (or my friend's hand, really. But I am learning.)
• Writing parody (TBA later...)
• Leaving the children with a babysitter and going to that college football game we wanted to go to
• Running, as a family, and loving it (yes, actually jiggling up and down and everything. Shocking, I know.)
• Loving my crazy, boring, tasty, casual, loud, exhausting, fabulous, and fulfilling life!

• 19:30 So so so tired. Everyone in bed right now! #

• 09:06 Good morning Saturday!!! What shall we do today? #
• 09:07 Welcome little sissy and new uncle-to-be. Wish you could stay longer. #

• 09:30 Another day of tart crusts. Yesterdays failed attempts at a white chocolate crust are still fresh in my mind, and I feel tired. #
• 21:13 Still making crusts... #

• 09:52 Getting ready for some creative cookery! Trying to come up with a mint mousse filling that does not taste like toothepaste. #
• 15:01 Success! #

• 07:47 Loved General Conference. Wish we could have it once a month. Elder Holland's talk shook the rafters. #
• 08:50 There is a sharp, cool breeze outside. Finally. My soul is sighing. #
• 13:43 Sometimes I just love that I live with all boys. Today is one of those days--one woman is enough. #

• 20:50 Canned peaches today under the tutelage of my friend Ashley. I feel so, so, domestic. #

• 09:25 170 lbs this morning. 15 to goal. #

• 14:13 Another childhood 1st today: HY stuffed a Kix cereal ball up his nose during Sac Meeting. When he couldn't pull it out, he was traumatized. #
• 14:13 ...I haven't seen Aaron laugh that hard in a long time. #

• 14:11 While examining blobs of lipstick on the carpet, HY just alerted me to a sudsy pool coming out of the bottom of the dishwasher. #
• 14:12 I don't know why, but, at the moment, it all strikes me as enormously funny... Really, I cannot stop laughing. #
• 14:12 What next? #

• 16:27 Me: "So, do you know who the president of the U.S. is?" HY: (smugly) "Yes, President Bottom!" Me: (laughing) "Um, close.." #

I Hate It When the Answer is Always "Exercise"

I spent a few minutes this afternoon doing some reading/meditating/actually-had-personal-prayer-for-the-day-ing.

Then later I read some thoughts from other people (ie: blogs, etc) about their bad days this week, and the comments my friends left for me after my meltdown this afternoon--motherhood is a "work in progress,'' "It will pass" and "even things done wrong, bless your family." Their words reached into me and melted my cold, clutched heart.

Then finally, tonight after dinner, we went on a walk as a family (and actually did some jogging, which was fun). The combination of them all, like magic, has shifted my attitude this evening and the world looks brighter and I don't feel so down and so terribly blue.

I guess we are all in this together, in a way. The trick, maybe, is balance, optimism, and endurance.

Oh yeah, and some sleep.

Might As Well Throw In the Towel

It's been such a "bad mom day." Actually a "bad mom month," really. And I don't really know why. It always seems like everyone else in the world is having this grand and glorious time with motherhood and I am not. It is like somebody forgot to teach me how to do this, because, really I have no idea.

It seems like every day is filled with mistakes--I am unkind, impatient, neglectful, and just plain selfish. And they are whiny, and whiny, and bored, and fighting, and whiny, and messy, and whiny. I find myself matching their (justified) immaturity with my (unjustified) immaturity.

And the thing is, it is not getting better. I seem to be getting worse as I go along. And I feel such deep regret and guilt at the end of every frustrating day. These poor children. They are so good and sweet and innocent and they deserve far better.

I feel like I am messing them up and I know that I am not giving them all of the love and attention that they need.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Sometimes I just need to write it down.

• 20:53 Just got home from a Bishop's fireside on chastity. So glad to be married... #

• 15:03 Watching "Enchanted" with HY--both singing along at the top of our lungs..."how does she know you love her?..." #

• 11:04 Three milk spills is my daily limit. Especially for this early in the morning. Allllll dummmmmmmm! #
• 20:28 Settling down to watch some Harry Potter with the hubby. #

Happy Face

172 lbs today. I can hardly believe it. I'm trying to think of a great "reward" for when I break into the 160's.

In previous diet attempts, I have assuaged the hunger pains with promises of gorge sessions in the future. But, for some reason, this time, more food and gorging doesn't sound appealing. Not just because it will wreck all the work that has gone into the last several weeks, but it is no longer something that sounds nice. It doesn't feel good to overeat. In fact, it feels gross. I'd, honestly, rather do something else, like go on a lovely hike with my family.

A revelation.

Almost exactly one year ago, I sat holding a newborn baby in my arms crying uncontrollably because I was too fat to fit into anything I owned and I had zero desire to run after and play with my children. My greatest desire with the arrival of baby boy #3 was to change my life--my understanding of living. I wanted to reconcile who I am and what my passions are with a healthy, strong, active lifestyle. The task seemed overwhelming at best, and impossible at worst.

But, here we are...

And I'm never, never going back.

Goal, next week: 171 lbs.

• 21:40 Dinner was delish tonight: Fettuccine with carmelized red onion, zuchinni, and lemon parmesan cream sauce. The baby loved it. #

• 10:39 What? Are those stickers on my glass-top range??? (I get online for, like, 2 minutes...) #

• 08:36 What could be more beautiful than a September morning and three little boys? #
• 13:24 Just ordered 14 pizzas online. I know, you're jealous. #
• 16:00 It is enormously frustrating when your children fight. I feel so drained after a day of them "tussling." #

Dreams Really Do Come True

173 lbs

• 11:11 Happy September 11th. God bless America! #
• 11:12 Feeling somewhat sentimental this morning. #
• 14:01 Paying bills. #

Didn't Think I Was Going to Make It

Squeezed it in this week, barely, no thanks to the Labor day weekend with Elizabeth and those danged coconut cupcakes...

174 lbs, today.

Goal, next week: 173 lbs.

Land of the Free and Home of the Brave

I can't believe it has been eight years * I was in college--my Mom told me about the first plane and then the pentagon while I was getting ready * My first class that morning was empty--the teacher had written on the board "no class today, go home and be with your families" * I called my best friends--they were still in bed, had no idea... * We spent the day in shocked silence * Everyone stood quietly, eyes glued to the TVs in the halls * My last class that day was at 7 p.m. My teacher, not an American, said "Your President is speaking, get out of here and go listen to him" We filed out in silence to another building and sat in tears with the rest of the nation as we heard the address * I went home that day defeated, almost scared, not knowing if more attacks where imminent--wondering how my family felt.. * Headache, overwhelming heaviness of heart * The next morning: flags flying everywhere, flag stickers on cars, wearing red-white-and blue, standing in long lines to give blood * Most heart-wrenching of all: watching hundreds of people on the news standing in front of hospitals and on the streets holding pictures of the missing asking anyone "have you seen him?" "have you seen her?" * The worst and the best of humanity displayed * United We Stand

Where were you that Tuesday? What do you remember?

---

I saw the flag waving this morning outside of my home. My heart fairly burst. I tried to explain to the boys why it was there. I just kept thinking that, despite the uncertain political climate and disconcerting moral decline, the United States of America is a blessed and wonderful nation. May I never forget all that has been sacrificed for me and my freedom...

• 21:39 Making apple crisp. #

• 08:09 Hello Friday! I love you. #
• 08:16 H: "Mom, I know another language." Me: "Oh really, what?" H (smiling) "Besame mucho!" Me: "What are they teaching you at preschool?..." #
• 20:09 Got called "Grandma" at Costco today. Second time in the last month. Do I look that old??? You'd tell me, right? #

• 15:12 Little boys. Hmmph. What is the fascination with the toilet? #
• 15:18 Breaking up fights all day. We need a trampoline...an air-conditioned trampoline. #
• 16:53 Asked HY to pick up some toys and, without missing a beat, he said "I don't feel comfortable with that." #
• 16:55 Dinner tonight: Chicken white chili #
• 21:36 Editing some writing for Aaron. Wow, it feels so good to be editing again--almost cathartic. #

• 09:49 Planning a romantic getaway. #
• 21:47 Did pilates with Aaron--best part of the day. #

• 10:43 Just got home. Three little boys. Thirteen big shots. It's going to be a down day for all of us. #
• 19:44 Curse you Papa Murphy's and your seductive garlic chicken pizza. #

This Could become Addicting

175 lbs this morning. Hallelujah. I am wearing pants today that have always been a touch "too tight" but are now just fine!!!

I wonder what will happen when I finally get to exercising consistently 6x a week?

Goal, next week: 174 lbs.