What Brought Us to Brain Balance

I hesitate to write this post. Most of the time on this blog I just talk about me. Or food. I do this because it is easy and less prone to criticism that way. I don't like to get really open about the deep details of my children because, as any mother, I feel vulnerable for them and for me with them. So generally I stay away.

But, I feel compelled to tell Our Story, as you will, about our little family and why we decided to approach Brain Balance for help. I feel like I need to document this all, both for me and for any other family that might be struggling.

I think that every earnest mother cries at night once or twice a month about the issues she sees her children facing. I am concerned about every one of my children at various points of time. But I have been consistently puzzled by my little fire-cracker right in the middle--and this concern has been going on for a few years, now.

A is my third child and is five. He is funny, interesting, earnest, and a lot lot more. He is also a complete genius. He knows all of the states and capitals, can identify them by geographic shape alone and will recite them in alphabetical order for anyone who will listen; easily navigates through 3rd grade math curricula (He will check your wallet for paper currency and immediately tell you how many pennies/dimes/quarters the amount is equal to); reads independently well; knows more about the solar system than I have ever known including in-depth knowledge of black holes and certain nuances of gas planets; memorizes everything including long lists of English prepositions and lists of linking/helping verbs. He would have started public school this year--albeit one of the youngest in the class--had I not already committed to homeschooling all of my children. This, I thought, was a particularly good thing for me to do for him especially, considering how advanced he is academically and how young he seems, socially and physically.

Adults love him. LOVE HIM! They love how uninhibited he is in talking to them, putting his hands on his hips authoritatively and asking "Did you know...(fill in the blank with some fact about space {or whatever})? It seems really cute until they notice how adamant and exhausting he is at recounting facts over and over and over. Or how he completely invades their personal space and inapropriately jumps on them as he interacts.

In fact, he is a major space invader to everyone--young and old. Adults try to shrug him off or give a specific facial expression to show that it is enough and A doesn't seem to notice or read people at all.  No matter how much I talk to him, or scold, or promise rewards, it continues. This bothers me constantly as, when a stranger comes to the door, he immediately runs up to them trying to grab whatever they have in their hands. This embarasses me to death and for a long time I thought that it was just my bad parenting or something... I would always wonder why he seemed to discourteous.

With his peers and other children he does similar things, but it is worse because of their similarity in size. Often times I will look out the window to see A laying on someone or bonking into other children. He also bites, hits, and kicks. Oh joy.

This is all normal behavior, maybe, for a 2 year old, but not a 5 year old.

Kids avoid him, because he is a bully to them. And most of the time he hangs out by himself--at the park, in the neighborhood, with his brothers in the backyard. It seems like, most of the time, his interactions with other children, including his brothers, are limited to physically bothering them. Otherwise he is inside looking at books about space or talking to any adult who will listen to his cache of knowledge.

• He's a nightmare in the car--hitting, pinching, touching, and bothering anyone who is seated next to him. It is very stressful.
• He hates anything to be changed, irrationally so. Once, when I taped a paper to a cup for a special game that I was going to use for school for his brother, he screamed for about 5 minutes about how much he didn't want me to do that. Then he ripped the paper off the cup and tore it into little pieces. A similar thing happened when I put up a vinyl sign on our front door that said "welcome." He screamed, kicked, and slammed doors for over ten minutes, threatening to "scratch [the vinyl] off and throw it away." I was so confused since it had nothing to do with him.
• He does crazy daredevil things.
• He spent most of the last two years lounging around everywhere. Often I would find him throughout the day just laying on his bed or on the grass outside. He seemed tired often, but not sleepy. Though he slept well for naps and through the whole night.
• He doesn't really play with toys.
• He's had a vague tummyache every few mornings for a year.
• He screams and has a tantrum if we need to go anywhere in the car.
• He can't seem to follow multi-step directions.
• He seems depressed or bored most of the time.
• He physically bullies his brothers and stranger children. A few weeks ago at the park he pushed a little girl down the slide and then later ran up to a girl and pushed her down on the ground. I was so embarrassed and confused by his actions.
• Everyone puts him in "time-out"--primary, music class, other community children's classes. Even the day that Aaron and I went to our first presentation for Brain Balance, we came home to find that the babysitter had put him in time out for the rest of the night.

All of this is unfortunate because he is a great and very likable child. He is funny and thoughtful and says the most sincere and faith-filled prayers I have ever heard.

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Several weeks ago we had a particularly exhausting week of A's bullying behavior to his brothers. He would walk down the hall and then, out of nowhere, shove his little brother into the wall. Or he would walk into a room where his older brothers were working and knock down their toys or bite their ears or legs. We were all starting to flinch whenever he came into the room. And what was the most concerning of all was that we were starting to have very real relationship-damaging interactions in our family--both from me or Aaron scolding, yelling, spanking etc; and from his brothers seeking to avoid him and saying things like "I don't want him in our family anymore." This, coupled with the problems he has out of our home, I had had enough.

So, in tears I messaged my friend Tammy on Facebook. She had done the Brain Balance program in Georgia a few years ago with her two autistic sons and had remarkable results--so much so that she came back to Utah and opened up two centers there to help all of the other families that she could see that were struggling. I had read her blog and the books that she cited and was familiar with the philosophies behind the center. I asked her if she thought that the symptoms I cited for A were symptoms that "needed brain-balancing."

I was kind of embarrassed to write the message, honestly, because all of A's behavior could instead just reflect on my own poor parenting (and probably half of it still does), instead of her program. But I felt strangely compelled to talk to her and I felt desperate to do something for him. Tammy wrote back quickly and confirmed that A may benefit from the program. But it wasn't until I got to the center and read even more of the literature that I really saw all of the symptoms that he had--things that I never noticed before and just chalked up to his "funny personality."

So, we started the program.

To Please the Eye and Gladden the Heart

When you don't eat out very often and you try to focus on real foods, sometimes lunch is a just a beautiful and inspiring work of art. It's the same emotion you have when you notice a spectacular sunset, or walk by an endless field of flowers. You get this feeling that God really loves us and everything is good in the world.

Experiment Time!

So, after the horrible week, last week, I am feeling much better. (Hopefully, that means that the children are feeling better, too.  Inevitably they were being affected by the high stress level in the house) I feel like, in some ways, we are (I am) going through a kind of grief cycle in dealing with this new reality. I started out ok, can-do and gung-ho, then felt angry, then weepy and now assured. We can do this! Maybe everyone faces new challenges this way? I don't know.

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The first hurdle for me was/is the new regime of a lot of new "do" and a lot of new "don't." It is absolutely torturous to my little mind to try to get everything done that is required of me--schooling all of the children (while carefully excluding instruction for some that will undermine the program, and emphasizing it to others...not very easy), executing specific exercises with the children at least 3 times a day (this was taking over an hour each time, at first), eating a very specific and limited diet (this is especially difficult when we are out of town for the day and everyone is whining "I'm hungry!"), taking everyone to the next-town-over three times a week for instruction in the Brain Balance center, not to  mention the regular load of laundry, dishes, caring for a newborn and being a wife.

Luckily for me, Aaron is a great partner and my dearest friend in life. He has more confidence in me than I do in myself. He continually gives me the grace I need to stretch out wings and try something different. And he also helps to make it all possible.

About Saturday night we were feeling pretty good again here at home. Aaron and I did some more research into food choices and ideas.

I have come to realize that it is a mistake to limit my focus so much on wheat (and gluten) and the deprivation of it. In America we eat wheat and we utilize wheat as if it were the only grain around.  Sometimes we throw in rice or oats for funsies, but pretty much, wheat is king--at least, the only grain worthy of eating in bread and breadstuffs, right?  But that is like limiting your diet's protein to just, well, chicken. Sure, chicken is versatile and yummy and everything, but it is not a deal-breaker to knock it out of the diet, right? What about beef, pork, fish, nuts, beans, lentils, and other grains? As soon as I realized this comparison, my mind was off and I finally felt free. I need to experiment with other grains and starches. Heck! I live in America. Pretty much anything I want, food-wise, I can get. We are unbelievably spoiled!

So I tried using alternate "flours." But recipes offered by many people tasted off, not-quite there, and depressing. For example, I made some pumpkin muffins with almond "flour" as per a few recipes I found. Not good. Not what I wanted. Way too dense. Blah. Ditto with the coconut flour. Ok, so those are out as a major source of structure.

So, I used a gluten-free all-purpose flour (that was recommended by Bon Apetit Magazine) and tried the pumpkin muffins again. The first ingredient in that flour blend is garbanzo bean flour which equals a little better structure and nutrition. But the finished product still tasted, to me, like a copycat--trying to get there but not. It was too gluey and, for me only, tasted faintly like garbanzo bean (this kids loved them). Most other "gluten-free flour" and "gluten-free baking mixes" I have seen relies on sugar and white rice or potato starch/tapioca starch to get the job done. (Not very nutritious, not very flavorful and not good mouth-feel--all important characteristics for me.) So I was getting very confused and depressed.

Then I found a food-science book dealing with the structure and nutritional differences of different grains! Voila! We are talking Teff, Amaranth, Millet, etc, etc, etc. Combined with different starches like potato, tapioca, arrowroot; and some binders like xanthan gum and flaxseed, I KNOW that we can make some incredible and delicious food. Oh, and nutritious too.

Be still my beating heart.

Hitting a Wall

It was inevitable. Right?

Last week, I absolutely hit a wall. HIT A WALL, FOLKS. This is hard. This is draining. I am exhausted emotionally and mentally and physically. And there were several times I wondered to myself if this was A) even necessary afterall, and B) going to help in the long run.

I spent about three days straight, crying.

And then Aaron got called into the new Bishopric.

The Work Around

I know that there are tons of totally awesome and unbelievably good gluten-free recipes out there. And I totally get it. I get why people would want to try to mock it up and still feel like they are eating "normally."

But it just depresses me to the core.

The handful of times that I have been successful at dieting (admittedly weight loss, not lifestyle change), I have eaten well. Very, very well.

Honestly, to make this work, I'd rather make some pretty freaking amazing food that just happens to be naturally gluten-free.

I mean, seriously. We've been eating flourless chocolate cake and flourless peanut butter cookies for years around this joint. (I know, I know. We are not eating PB right now. But you get the point.) And the recipes are delish because they just are. They were flourless on purpose.

So I have decided to attack the new diet this way ON PURPOSE and not in spite of it.

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Tonight for dinner we had baked chicken with cilantro pistachio pesto, coconut rice, and roasted brussels sprouts. It was fabulous, and though it was "special diet" friendly, it was something we would have eaten anyway. Voila! Success!

By the way, never underestimate the power of pesto.

Trick It Out

Because I am limited in food choices lately, we've had to get a little creative.

So for breakfast I have been eating peaches with a sort of raw granola. It tastes like eating fruit with cookie dough sprinkled on top and is frightfully indulgent feeling.

(Clearly I have food relationship issues, right?)

It is just raw pecan butter (or walnut is good too) with raw oats, sea salt and a touch of honey.

I may never go back to parfaits!

The Soft Launch

We have a new diet. It is part of the program we are doing. Frankly, if we had not been doing this program I never would have attempted ANY diet that eliminates groups of food entirely. I just don't like the idea of it. In fact, I hate the idea of diets that eliminate--or advocate smoothies or shakes as meal replacements, for that matter. However, here we are...on a pretty strict elimination diet.

Yesterday was day 3 for Aaron and I on the diet. And, as expected, day number three was, well, killer. By about 3:00 pm I was starting to feel quite trapped--trapped by my "new" lifestyle which in turn was making me feel hesitant to even leave the house. We eat no wheat, gluten, dairy, soy, or peanuts. And there is a laundry list of other items to avoid as well, though they are not quite as ubiquitous in the American diet (except for, maybe, sugar and its variants).

To be honest (not sure if this is placebo effect, or what) I actually feel really really good. I haven't had a headache in days. I haven't felt crummy, bloated, foggy-headed, or tired in the afternoons or evenings. And my energy level is up. (I am starting to realize that I wasn't feeling very good before.) The next few months, really, will tell the tale about the "benefits" of this diet or not. I am hoping that, at the very least, it will nudge our family even more purposefully towards "real" foods and the delights of fruits and vegetables!

The boys are almost all the way on the diet. They have a few handfuls of Quaker Oat Squares in the pantry that they are munching on, but even that will be gone by tomorrow. And they received treats from well meaning primary teachers at church. (Sundays are going to be hard. I can tell. Even the question of the sacrament bread is causing me to scratch my head.)

So tomorrow it is, my friends. Tomorrow!

Tomorrow we will start EVERYTHING. The whole enchilada of intense things that encompass this exciting program. Plus we have travel for work in the center and a full day of schoolwork to accomplish on top of all of that.

Really I am not sure how to go about doing this all. What is funny is that I am most concerned about what I can bring on our outing tomorrow to feed my little brood.

They will be hungry.
Heck, I will be hungry.

And no one wants a hungry (read: grumpy) mommy.

The Cranium Experiment

We are enrolling one of our sons in Brain Balance, and applying the experience and knowledge to help our other children. Though it is a little intense and different, I am truly excited to embark on this journey together as a family. It has been interesting getting here. It is like I have always known that we would do this at one time or another. I have been reading about these philosophies for several years now, even the food sensitivity ideas, though we haven't had any obvious sensitivity issues. Nevertheless, it feels like we have been led to this moment and are ready now to take the leap. Maybe documenting it here can help other families.

"Every great work is, at first, impossible." - Carlyle

Is It Possible To Love Carrots This Much?

My sister-in-law sends the family sweet weekly updates about her family, which I love to read. Most recently, when I responded to her, she requested back that we tell her the good recipes we tried during the week. The following is my response this month.

A couple of weeks ago we had Carrot Ginger Soup for dinner again. It's a soup that seems simple but tastes wonderful and surprisingly complex. I always forget just how tasty it really is until we serve it up again. Best part is that the kids love it--all of them. Also, there is that sweet little bit about adding a dollop of herbed butter and chopped peanuts to the individual portions that makes it irresistible and quite breathtaking aesthetically. For a gourmand, it is heavenly.

Recap: February 2012

In February we poured the concrete

tore down the stucco

Rocked out with cousins

Put up walls

and Worked on our studliness

For the Voyeur in You

I am blogging what I eat, again. It is really enormously telling to write down what you eat every day. I know that I, certainly, think twice about eating that entire bag of marshmallows when I know that my neighbor can read about it the next day. Oh my!

So, even though I am not counting calories right now....for the baby....I don't want to gain 50 pounds like I always, ahem, may have done in past pregnancies.

Please spy on me occasionally. It helps me be a good girl.

Recap: January 2012

In January we decided we needed more room

So we got working as a family on a remodel

Dirty. But, fun.

No Rest For the Wicked and the Righteous Don't Need It

Last year was unbelievably stressful eventful. Now that it is safely behind us, I think that Aaron and I are starting to sleep all the way through the night again.

But...lest we all get too comfortable, baby number five will be making his/her debut this fall. Ah, life! We can sleep when we're dead, right?

Now, sarcasm aside, I am so excited for this little one to come. We all know that the fifth child is the truly most interesting, most funny, most talented and most well-rounded of all possible children.

So...we have high hopes for this one.

Today Was Epic

[We've been staying in someone's guesthouse for the past month and a half while we finish the last work on our home remodel/addition project. The whole experience has been, well, stressful.]

September 20, 2012

4:40 am - The alarm goes off. Aaron hops in the shower. I put his pillow over my head.

5:15 am - Aaron kisses me goodbye.

7:30 am - I find A, lying on the bathmat with his pajamas around his ankles. "Good morning, Son."

8:00 am - E asks for breakfast "right now" for the third time. N walks in with a droopy dirty diaper.

8:17 am - A complains of stomach pains.

8:24 am - A throws up in the kitchen.

8:25 am - N unscrews his full sippy cup and dumps the entire cup of milk over his head and onto the queen bed.

8:30 am - Laundry time.

8:31 am - E asks about breakfast...again.

8:42 am - N unloads the dishwasher and finds a knife for each hand. Because of his siblings' "excited" reaction, he begins running through the house with said knives.

9:00 am - A throws up (in a bowl, this time).

9:17 am - Everyone enjoys breakfast, sans A.

9:23 am - E clogs the toilet.

9:25 am - A, sitting on a kitchen chair with the up-chuck bowl, looks at me with wide eyes and starts screaming "potty! potty!" I scoop him up and hurriedly run him to the bathroom, pulling his pants off as I run. We arrive at the clogged potty in record time, make a quick dismount, see our mistake, and then haul like crazy across the house to the other toilet. "Hold on little guy! Can you squeeze it in for a second more?" We make it--just in time.

9:30 am - Everyone gets dressed.

9:40 am - E wonders if he could "have a snack."

9:41 am - I start H on some math work. He complains and spends the next fifteen minutes crossing out math problems and throwing his math book.

9:45 am - I try to ignore H while E and I do his reading lesson in the living room.

10:00 am - A throws up again. I retrieve the bowl from the dishwasher just in time. "Let's just keep this thing out for the day, shall we?"

10:30 am - H finally finishes his math work. E finishes his reading. A emerges from the bedroom seeming brighter. "I feel much much better, Mommy!"

10:40 am - I find N unrolling the end of an entire roll of toilet paper.

10:45 am - I gather the kids in the car for our long trip of errands for the day.

10:50 am - A throws up in the car (in the bowl, thankfully).

10:51 am - I stop and empty the bowl.

10:55 am - Unbeknownst to me, H gives an apple cinnamon breakfast bar and a bottle of juice to N.

11:02 am - A throws up again.

11:05 am - We stop at Daddy's office for an errand. I empty the bowl and clean the apple cinnamon breakfast bar off of N, the car seat and the window. I stuff an extra shirt around N to sop up the spilled juice.

11:10 am - I eat the rest of a can of Pringles as I drive.
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2:30 pm - We pull up to Lowe's, spend ten minutes getting the children's shoes back on, and wonder "what that horrible smell is..."

2:35 pm - E discovers the source of the odor (while I am trying to get him to find his shoes). "It's A's carseat Mom!"

2:36 pm - I ask A if he had an accident. He thinks for a minute and says "No." After some prodding, he replies, innocently, "I just passed some gas, and then it turned cold...like cold gas" Hmmmmmm.

2:40 pm - We hurry into Lowe's to make our return and then hop quickly over to Target to buy new underwear and new shorts for A.

2:50 pm - H disregards all direction I give him and leads his brothers directly into the path of oncoming traffic.

Mom is not happy. Not. Happy.

2:52 pm - H pouts in the car and refuses to come into the store.

3:38 pm - I buy a giant cookie and rice krispie treat.

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5:23 pm - We arrive home. The air conditioner in the house appears to be broken.

5:25 pm - E asks if dinner is ready, for the fourth time. "No, son, I just barely walked in the door..."

6:00 pm - We have a quiet dinner without Daddy (again) while watching "Chopped." Everything is quiet for a few minutes.

6:39 pm - Aaron comes home. The kids play outside.

Clean up

Do the dishes

Finish the laundry

Bathe the kids

8:00 pm - Aaron walks over to the neighbor's house (the owners of the guesthouse) to have an awkward conversation about the broken A/C unit.

Neighbors were more than sweet. "Someone will be by first thing in the morning to fix it."

8:10 pm - Aaron leaves to go work on the remodel.

8:15 pm - I put the kids to bed with wet washcloths on their backs, open the windows, and set their fans to full blast.

At least it is not July--it might actually cool down outside at night.

9:33 pm - Aaron calls from the remodel. Our painter has just spent the last three hours painting the doors and trim a light pink color. "Wait a second....that's not exactly the color we asked the paint store to match..."

9:35 pm - Aaron pays the painter and they both call it a night.

9:47 pm - I can hear all of the kids still tossing in their beds. It is 86 degrees in the house.

The...Classical Academy for Boys

Several months ago I decided, definitively, to homeschool the children. We have been talking about it non-stop ever since and yesterday I dropped a LOT of bones ordering various items and curricula.

I cannot put into words how excited I am to take this step with my boys. They are brilliant and eager to learn, and I am eager to learn with them. Last month, in order to make it a little more fun for us all (we all need a little more fun, right?) I decided upon a name for my little school: the [Family Name] Classical Academy for *Boys and I have dubbed myself the illustrious Headmistress. We are currently toying with a few different ideas for mascot. Hahahahahahaha. The boys were full of lots of great ideas. Oh my!

Tomorrow, when I am feeling more serious, I will post some of my reasons, hope and dreams for this life-changing endeavor.

*Obviously this ending is negotiable and can be scrapped altogether if a feminine addition to the family ever surfaces (bless her heart). But in the meantime, it has a cute little ring to it. Don't you think? Adds substance (or false credence, maybe!).

One a Day

Last night some friends stopped by to help us load roof tiles onto the house--onto the addition. Pretty soon, some other friends, who were out for a walk, stopped to help. Next, someone from our ward drove by, noticed the party, and stopped to help. This was followed by another family in our ward and then our neighbors to the side. What was going to take Aaron and me several days of boring and back-breaking labor, took about two hours to accomplish.

People are so generous and so good.  And I am overwhelmed by the kindness.

Post-Christmas Post

Highs:

• Watching the boys romp around outside in shorts in the lovely mild December weather
• Going to a buffet and eating only one moderately sized plate of food. Deborah FTW!
• Overhearing one of the boys making "curried chicken" and "caviar" with their play dough
• Finalizing our home-addition plans
• Finally deciding to homeschool the little men--giving them a classical education (Latin anyone?)
• Disneyland with everybody for three beautiful days
• Attending Eliz's fabulous Christmas piano recital (tear up every time I go--she's THAT great)
• Starting to exercise at 5 am again and LOVING it
• Blogging less and reading more
• Watching Aaron get promoted at work
• Having a happy four-year-old (best age ever)
• 9:00 am church!
• Starting to have success with the YW planning their own activities
• Sharing a fabulous Christmas with my Father-in-law and Mother-in-law, both of whom I love very much
• Being happier than I ever have been before

Lows:

• "A" constantly wetting his pants (Though he somehow completely avoided this problem during our week in Disneyland. Laziness, maybe?)
• 90 minute wait times for rides at Disneyland--are you kidding me, people?
• Fattest I Have Ever Been. EVER.
• "A" biting one of the Christmas lights (I found him screaming in the living room spitting out blood and glass)
• Seriously moving into the life of the middle-aged middle-American--everything is full priced and heavily taxed
• *The fighting, the fighting, the fighting (scratching, shoving, biting, etc)
• Unhappy (and full out crazy) three-year-old (worst age ever)
• Wow, I tell you, laundry NEVER ends
• Home additions cost a lot of money
• Cement costs a lot of money
• Lumber costs a lot of money
• Everything boring that goes into a house costs a LOT of money

Why Aaron and I Keep These Crazies Around

Apparently H had some sort of assembly today involving "Chinese acrobats." He spent the after-dinner hour coaching E through various routines and tricks--jumping and twisting to the point of blurring the line between acrobatics and contortionism. After sufficient practice they called the family together for their opening revue. 

All tricks came to a untimely halt, however, when E, mounting on the top of H's prone body, planted his foot too close to...well, H's nether regions. "E you're off course, you're off course!" he frantically mouthed. 

Nothing is more fun than a night at home!

A Million and a Half Reasons Why I Should Have Won the Dairy Princess Crown

While I was making dinner tonight, I used some real parmesan cheese.  You know, the kind with the actual imprinted rind? I snitched a tiny bit of it as I shaved some over some bread dough. Wow! Nutty, slightly complex, a little salty and YUM! 

Remind me again why I buy the pre-grated stuff that smells like socks and tastes like sawdust?

A Series of Exceptions

Today went surprisingly well--considering the severe lack of sleep I have been experiencing lately. I actually exercised, read my scriptures, did a little laundry, and successfully avoided last night's candy haul. (Miracles will never cease!) I have decided to lose 50 lbs by next April. Oh, and skip sweets for awhile. (Do you like how non-chalantly I just typed that?) And, I LOVE that I decided to start this journey on the precipice of the holiday season. Gives it a little more of a challenge--something that seems to work well with my personality.

I actually feel pretty jazzed about dieting and exercising this time. I don't have the same overwhelming desire to stuff myself full of cookie dough on bad days like I used to. (Pity really. It made for entertaining blog posting and cookie dough is delish...) And ever since the daily exercising stint I experienced pre-baby, I have craved and enjoyed the feeling of a great workout.

The question, as always, is when. When to exercise when the baby is up all night? When to exercise when the others wake at 6, when we have to prep for school, and when picky-pants (E) absolutely and tearfully at times insists on a hot breakfast? Not to mention all of the other things that scream for my attention.

Today, however, while grappling with this question, I remembered the great secret that I have already realized before. Successful people do what they should do and what they want to do every single imperfect day regardless of what is going on, because life is a series of exceptions.

Frankly, I don't know if I'll ever have a full week where everything goes smoothly enough at home for me to perfectly exercise and perfectly do all of the other small but important things that I need to do.

So, today, I decided to do it no matter what.