It's been such a "bad mom day." Actually a "bad mom month," really. And I don't really know why. It always seems like everyone else in the world is having this grand and glorious time with motherhood and I am not. It is like somebody forgot to teach me how to do this, because, really I have no idea.
It seems like every day is filled with mistakes--I am unkind, impatient, neglectful, and just plain selfish. And they are whiny, and whiny, and bored, and fighting, and whiny, and messy, and whiny. I find myself matching their (justified) immaturity with my (unjustified) immaturity.
And the thing is, it is not getting better. I seem to be getting worse as I go along. And I feel such deep regret and guilt at the end of every frustrating day. These poor children. They are so good and sweet and innocent and they deserve far better.
I feel like I am messing them up and I know that I am not giving them all of the love and attention that they need.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. Sometimes I just need to write it down.
6 comments:
But Deb, you just found the secret of motherhood... that it's NOT easy! Our own immaturity constantly gets in the way of our capabilities in providing perfect mothering! Just remember that you, just like your children, are a work in progress! That doesn't mean you're a failure. Quite the opposite! It means that tomorrow you get up and try to do ONE thing better. And you do that every day! We take so many baby steps in this journey! But they really make us who we are!
Smile!
Keep your chin up! My bad mom month is passing, slowly to be sure, but it is passing. It will pass! You will have fantastic months inevitably interspersed with the not-so-fantastic ones. You are amazing!
EHHHH! who is the perfect momma any way??? The "Fly Lady" says "even things done wrong, bless your family". We all stink... That is what makes us so dang great!
Hm. Try as you might, you are going to be astoundingly ineffective at convincing me that you are a "bad" mother.
I haven't ever met anyone that was a more natural fit to be an amazing mother.
So there.
(P.S. I love you and I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. If it helps, just think of how much better off your kids are in your hands than they would be in the hands of someone like me. Ahh!! Yikes.)
(P.P.S. I know I'm not a mother, so I can't technically relate... but I know YOU [and I'm also a bit familiar with the horrible habit of being overly critical of myself], so I know that even though you are feeling this way and you seem to have this huge pile of evidence on your side, I have years of knowing you AND every person who knows you on MY side. So there. Again.)
Whoa lady! Aren't you the friend I have that wants 13 kids!?! Ha ha...just because we love them doesn't make it easy. And you are a wonderful, loving mother. Please don't be so hard on yourself. And I'm slowly learning that comparing ourselves to what we perceive others' reality to be always fails us, because we usually don't know what their reality actually is. (not sure that made sense, but it's too long to erase!) Long story short - we all have good days, we all have bad days, our kids are not perfect, and we are not even close. But we don't give up and we are blessed for it. Your boys are lucky to have you...
p.s. I really needed your kitchen wish list when I was shopping for your bday present! I perused the kitchen aisles for a while but had no idea what you didn't already have, so that's why you ended up with the lame present you got. Sorry! Love ya!
Thank you to all my good friends! Women are so great! Sometimes it helps just to know you have friends.
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